Alive Poets Society

the type of guy to tuck his pants into his shirt

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Tchaikovsky, probably: might fuck ‘round with some cannons and make a song.

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

A movie about peasants from the middle ages forming a championship-winning football team called 'Serf n' Turf'

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

@drewvanandel Why

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

🎶when you try your best but you don't secede🎶

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

*person with long hair walks into room*
Me, checking the guest list: Oh hello, Miss Leading
Them: actually it's Mr. Leading

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

@RajivMote @SirEviscerate Yea but he's rocked them all... That's 100% of faces rocked

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Interviewer: it says here you went to culinary school?

Me: well.. kinda

I: What do you mean?

M: I mean I'm really good at eating ass

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

One comma goes from telling a llama like animal to get your bag to Mario replying to your trip request:

"Alpaca, my bag!"

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Me: BLAM! What a big spill! Ethel goes down!
Other Nursing home attendants: We're getting real tired of your shit, Ben.

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

I felt that whoever wrote "Walden" was very thoreau in his work, compared to "The Road Not Taken" where some details were frosted over.

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Me: for your relationship to work you must give her an old tomato

"You mean an ultimatum?

Me: yea that works too

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

If you need to get a hold of me, send a messager pigeon to a guy named Jim in Montenegro. He will promptly text me. He has great service.

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Son: What is heaven like?
Dad: Cracking open a cold one with the boys around the biggest grill, standing on that new deck that was built.

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Me: shouldn't we be focussing on how Trump just doomed the environment?
Marcus Riley: you don't understand... It says sex lol that's funny

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

"pain is temporary, but glory is eternal" I say to myself in the mirror as I attempt to pluck my unibrow

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Garbage can and garbage will

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Wife: why are you dressed up?

Husband: I'm having an affair

W: *angrily* are you going to the office!

H: *runs away with briefcase*

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

[Interview at golf course]

"So it says here you design golf holes, how would you describe your skill?
Me: Sub-par
"You're hired"

[Alive Poets Society @Alive_POETS_soc]

Some things I really want to know like how did we get here? and there r some I really don't want to know like how is cottage cheese made?