Amal B.

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[Alex Cohen @anothercohen]

Who is the genius at Zoom who thought it would be a good idea to force an update right as you join a meeting?

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

💤💤💤💤💤

[Ethan @EZebroni]

Today, I received a violation notice from my HOA for “weeds growing in driveway”so I asked @OpenAI ChatGPT to write a Shakespearean-style letter apologizing for the violation and sent it via email to my HOA…

To the Honorable Members of the [Redacted] Homeowners Association,
Fair greetings unto you, noble stewards of our beloved community. With a heavy heart and humble disposition, I pen this missive to beseech your gracious forgiveness for an errant circumstance that hath befallen my humble abode.
Alas, it is with profound regret that I must confess the presence of unwelcome intruders amidst the threshold of my abode. No less than the impertinent weeds, those audacious denizens of nature's vast tapestry, have dared to take root within the sanctified bounds of my driveway.

Pray, know that such a spectacle hath caused me great dismay, as I am a fervent adherent to the principles of harmony and tidiness that our esteemed association holds dear. It was never my intent to suffer this botanical rebellion to mar the aesthetic integrity of our cherished neighborhood.

Forsooth, in this world where man and nature doth oft collide, it behooves us to exercise vigilance and prudence in our diligent care for the lands we call our own. Yet, alas, this time, my fervor hath waned, and in my negligence, these wayward plants found solace and sustenance within the paved thoroughfare that leadeth unto my dwelling.

In my repentance, I have marshaled the forces of diligence and resolve, arming myself with implements of righteous reclamation. With a steadfast heart and resolute hand, I shall set forth to vanquish these unruly interlopers, to restore the order and grandeur befitting a homeowner within this illustrious association.

Let it be known, esteemed ladies and gentlemen, that this transgression stands as an anomaly within the annals of my record. For my abode hath been, for many a year, a bastion of meticulous cultivation, a testament to my unwavering commitment to the aesthetics of our resplendent community.

I humbly implore your mercy and understanding, that you may find it within your hearts to absolve me of this singular misstep. May the evidence of my contrition, as I labor diligently to quell these rebellious botanical subjects, serve as a testament to my commitment to upholding the standards we hold dear.

With utmost humility and a profound sense of regret, I beg your pardon and seek solace in the hope that this heartfelt apology shall find resonance within your esteemed council. I stand ready to make amends and to reclaim my rightful place as a stalwart contributor to the beauty and tranquility that graces our [Redacted].

Yours faithfully,
[Your Name]

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

If you’re an excel guru, that knows complex formulas please call me

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@msadafff ?????????

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

My coffee sucks

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

If I see another 🧵about your dumb opinions about SVB …..

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@Kasmix21 Wrong

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

💤💤💤💤

[deadsoul @4gangbank]

apple charging me $17 , $5 , $5 , $10 , $11 every fuckin month and idk what i’m paying for

[Trevor Noah @Trevornoah]

Amazing how you can subscribe to any service instantly & they take your $ with one click but when you try to cancel, suddenly you need to call their helpline which is always too busy and so you have to find a dragon to fly you to Mordor to slay your subscription in the flesh. ⚔️

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

My Nespresso coffee no longer tastes good … send help

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@kneeduhx3 Watch tv and workout

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

I wish I could shop Trader Joe’s online

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@NiklausFuller Would love to chat sometime - we do some privacy adjacent work

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@Kasmix21 Trash show 2/10

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@msadafff 😮😮😮

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@sbrzy1 Pls provide update

[Amal B. @AmalS3]

@Kasmix21 Niche content

[mp @friasmp]

My boyfriend washed dishes and I haven’t said anything about it. He’s said “wow this kitchen looks spotless” twice since 8pm