Andrew Downs 🦆

Oregon attorney (until the Oregon Bar decides otherwise) with terrible opinions and even worse sports teams. Owner of Andrew Downs Law, LLC.

[Mike Stone @PastorMikeStone]

If @SenWarren shared her $67M and lived on the $285K (itself a great salary) every public school teacher in her state could receive a $900 bonus and she would still make more than 3x the average salary of those teachers.

#YouGoFirstSenator

[Jake Tapper 🦅 @jaketapper]

82 years ago, Normandy, France.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In America, a stranger will rename you in a single breath, and you are simply expected to come when called.

I went to eat at a busy restaurant. A young man at the front asked for my name, to mark my place in line. I gave it the weight it has carried for eight hundred years.

"Nobunaga."

He smiled, nodded, and wrote it down with great confidence. Then he read it back to me, to be sure he had honored it correctly.

"Perfect. Banana, party of one."

Banana. He had heard my name, held it a moment, and returned to me something rounder and more cheerful. To refuse the name a host gives is to refuse his welcome. I bowed. I was Banana now.

Then he handed me a small black disc, said it would "light up and buzz" when my table was ready, and turned to the next guest as though he had not just placed a living thing in my hands.

I held it in both palms, the way one holds a small sleeping beast that may wake. I found a place to stand. I waited, ready.

It woke.

It screamed. It flashed red. It leapt and shook in my hands like a captured spirit demanding release. A lesser man would have dropped it. I did not. I gripped it, steady, looked into its blinking lights, and told it, in a low voice, that its time had come. Then I carried it back to the host with both hands, the way one returns a hawk to its master.

He took it without looking and shouted across the entire room.

"BANANA! Party of one, your table's ready!"

A hundred strangers turned. I rose. I crossed that floor as Banana, spine straight, chin level, a man answering to his name. A child pointed at me. I gave the child a small bow. He had recognized me.

All through the meal they kept me. "How's it tasting, Banana?" "More water, Banana?" The check, when it came, said Banana, and thanked me for visiting. By the end the whole staff knew me. They waved as I left. "Night, Banana!"

So tell me honestly.

For eight hundred years my clan answered to one name. Tonight I answered to a fruit, calmed a screaming relic in my bare hands, and ate among people who were glad I came.

When the little disc lights up, is the table truly mine, or am I only keeping it warm for the next Banana?

Because I have already decided to return on Friday, and to ask, very humbly, for the same disc.

[Brigham's Burner @FiredUpCoug]

My dumb idea of the day:

We should establish something like birthstones, but for men.

Instead of each month getting a gemstone, each month gets assigned a cut of meat.

January: New York Strip
February: Filet Mignon
March: Porterhouse

And so on.

You’d ask a guy his birthday and instead of saying, “Oh, you’re an amethyst,” you’d say, “Ah, February. Filet Mignon. Sensitive, expensive, and a little smaller than expected.”

I can hear the commercials already

“Celebrate his birth month with the timeless elegance of brisket.”

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Not caring about him wheeling six chicks at once when he was married is your choice

Not caring that he pretends to be a populist when he went to one of the richest prep schools in America is your choice

Not caring he went to war saying he always wanted to kill people is your choice

Not caring he went to work for Blackwater after serving and now calls the army very dumb and stupid is your choice

Not caring that he made fun of Purple Heart recipients is your choice

Not caring that he jerks off in porta potties is your choice

Not caring about all the shit he’s deleted on Reddit and he never thought would see the light of day and shows what a giant jackass is he is your choice

Not caring that he is a Nazi is your choice but if you support him and promote him don’t ever lecture anybody about the moral high ground again because you are a piece of shit

[Aaron Levine @AaronLevine_]

Of course they do. And of course Alex points it out.

[Jeff Blehar is *BOX OFFICE POISON* @EsotericCD]

Hard to conceive of how anyone could have done a worse job as attorney general than Pam Bondi - but the great thing about the Trump administration is, we'll inevitably find out.

[zach @blip_tm]

NDAs are a great way to keep your corporate secrets safe from 1 or 2 beers but not 3 beers

[E. Werner Reschke @EWernerReschke]

Historically, Oregon's economic growth engine has been population growth. The more people that were born here and that moved here, the more our economy grew.

But that has stalled for the past several years.

The emphasis on progressive policies out of Salem have driven businesses away and kept people from coming.

This is a Salem problem, not a DC one.

[Ben Ramanauskas @BenRamanauskas]

This is probably the ideal date movie. You get to explain military history and meteorology - women love it when you do that!

[Aaron Meyers @AaronMeyers]

My brain from now til October

[Cascade Policy Institute @CascadePolicy]

Metro has spent $1 billion acquiring 19,000+ acres of "natural areas" in Oregon as "public lands."

Sadly, most of it is not open to the public nor is it easily accessible to the public. What does Metro plan to do with acres and acres of wilderness?

[Doc Eisenhauer @DocEisenhauer]

“Vinnie Pasquantino Day? He saved America, is what he did.” 🇺🇸🇮🇹

[𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐄 @FrankiesTwoLoud]

Italy to Mexico

[River Cracraft Fan Club @CracraftFan]

When my mom asks if I want to join in family dinner tonight, but I have to explain how I have to watch a baseball game between American Italians and American Mexicans to determine if American Americans can keep playing baseball

[Dan McLaughlin @baseballcrank]

Remember, this is the night when Woodrow Wilson slides down your chimney & steals an hour of your life.

[Locked On Mariners @LO_Mariners]

Vote for Round 1 of our Top 50 #Mariners Moments Tournament here: https://t.co/ZDVcV3WLmZ

[Andrew Downs 🦆 @AndrewDowns503]

I think before we propose raising any new revenue, we should propose ways to rein in our profligate spending.

[Reagan Knopp @reaganknopp]

Maybe Oregon needs a rental car tax that contributes to repair of roads. I don't support raising taxes, but if most rental cars are used by tourists from out of state, seems like an ideal revenue source for road maintenance that hurts Oregon taxpayers the least. #orpol #orleg

[John Podhoretz @jpodhoretz]

Duvall could be recessive or explosive at will. He could be the ultimate man-in-the-background (Tom Hagen) or a wild cop (True Confessions). He could be Boo Radley or The Apostle. He could be Sonny in Tender Mercies or the grizzled editor of The Paper. You never saw the work.

[Sweet Meteor O'Death @smod4real]

Four months ago, I turned my entire law practice over to Claude Code.

Claude agents retained all my clients, drafted all contracts, invoiced all work, and filed every document with the court.

It was perfect.

I literally did nothing except make money.

I am now in prison.