Scotty

Most quotes people use that are from 'Unknown' or 'Anonymous' are actually from me but they refuse to give me credit

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

Me: today’s delivery is a TIE Pilot. It comes with an exclusive weapon that pays homage to the old 1980 toy, which is cool. It’s actually a companion piece to the one you brought last week

FedEx guy: please sign off on the package so I can go back to my truck and kill myself

[Scott Bell @sbell021]

How two separate fanbases chose to celebrate their National Championships:

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

@Johnubacon Agreed tenfold and signed. This whole thing is based on entitlement that I don’t get. Do people have a birthright to live in Ann Arbor that I don’t know about? I pay out the nose to live here, and it won’t get any cheaper…no matter how many shoehorned studies they do.

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

USPS likes to be sparse w/ updates when I’m the recipient “in transit, arriving late” for 5 days, but when I’m the sender, they’re quick to push responsibility on me with “tracking created, USPS awaits item” like yeah you guys would really be on top of it otherwise

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

if there’s any purity or goodness in this world then I like to think my high school science teacher thoroughly enjoyed the whole cicada thing last month

[wint @dril]

i dont see any problem with getting the Milkbone vaccine. i trust milk bone even though they are usually a dog food company

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

I am begging you with every fiber of my being to please delete this

[University of Michigan @UMich]

We’ve seen the pictures. Know the facts:
⁃Masks MUST be worn on campus
⁃Outdoor gatherings are limited to 25
-Indoor gatherings are limited to 10
⁃Masks are not required for members of the same household
Have concerns? Call 734-647-3000

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

a very ignorant person told me today that my economics major is "stupid" and that "it's just studying a bunch of lines". this person was me

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

When you're still on the waitlist but come to the class anyway

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

@casualgarb man you were a week too early

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

Never felt more betrayed seeing the waitress laugh at the joke of one of the other customers

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

.@umich could you please fix the bell tower. It is ~90 seconds early every time it dings and we're all losing our minds

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

If anyone knows how to get a tie unstuck from a parking meter I'll be on E. Washington arguing with these homeless people

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

@alexintner @MikeRoyce I'm already excited for the extended edition - content is essential

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

Alone on the elevator w/ Shane Morris, who's wearing full cast and has crutches, I say "Gee, I'd hate to see the other guy." He didn't laugh

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

My ex-wife's other ex-husband and I are friends because we both had a son with her and both are named Dan and both work at the arcade

[Scotty @Ariscottle_]

Today a homeless man on the street asked me for spare change & I told him "No hablo English." Then he asked me in Spanish. I gave him a dime