AlwaysAshley

damn it feels good to be a gangster.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

Pre-order my new book, “Brian of DC Roofing and Waterproofing in Rocklin, CA Sent Me Dick Pics & Related Tales of the Audacity of Men” on Amazon soon.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

Me: I don’t want to see this.

Facebook: Do you want to take a break from this person? You won’t see their posts and they won’t appear in share suggestions.

Me: Yes! Perfect.

Facebook: Remember that post you didn’t want to see? We’ve placed it at the top of your feed.

[Cxspxxr✘🧸 @_6signxxx]

Mamdani is the Democrats’ worst nightmare because he’s living proof that they’re simply not doing their jobs.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

19: What’s up with the bread?

Me: Meal prep

19: 2 slices of bread in a ziploc?

Me: For tomorrow’s sandwich.

19: ??

Me: It’s more efficient this way.

(I remembered I had leftovers and changed my mind mid-sandwich-making, but I’m committed to the bit forever now.)

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@DTAFantasy Oil change girl is right. If he got my phone number through a customer database where he worked, he’d be unemployed for it.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

Had some really fun banter with a stranger at a concert six weeks ago and regretted not getting his name or number.

Randomly remembered him yesterday and woke up to a friend request from him this morning.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@TheHitMan1776 We listen to the same music and both seem to hang out at a small music venue here locally so I think the algorithm just figured it out.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@DermotMeagher No, I’ve never mentioned him to anyone because it was such a small moment of chatting, only memorable because he had such a big personality.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@EZRideryoyall No idea how he found me, we don’t even have friends in common.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@space_weable @FrenlyOfficer And it’s their first amendment right to make fun of you online and/or get you fired for doing so.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@pj_pj_pj123 @aezenics That being? Women trying to convince men that experiencing an act of violence is traumatic and men trying to convince women that the Valvoline guy can steal our phone number and use it to harass us if he wants to?

[Jedi @dhe3g]

Punishing homeless children to show the world he is a better Christian than the Pope

[Amelia 🇺🇸 @amelia_tweetz]

Imagine if a woman president crashed the economy and started a war with no end in sight, and her biggest, seemingly ONLY concern was building a ballroom and redecorating the White House.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

In case you forgot, we live on a planet where lightning turns sand into glass, dolphins give each other names, the ocean glows in the dark, and rain has a scent before it falls. You stand here with a beating heart, a steady moon above, and a world quietly, absurdly beautiful.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@Rmoran719 That’s the other thing I keep having to explain — sometimes I just don’t want to do anything. I shouldn’t have to make up an excuse, “I need time at home” is a good reason and not a reflection of how I feel about anyone.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

Talking to a man who calls me immediately whenever I text him so I’m reluctant to ever text him and he’s confused about what’s wrong despite me explaining that sometimes it’s not talk-on-the-phone time.

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

This is what Trump's done to the people's house:

A third of it is rubble.

Another third is a cage match.

What a metaphor.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@GeekTunes It will be like 8:30am or right after I’ve said I’m having a bad day or that I have a meeting in 10 minutes. Like read the room.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@adamnehswims 58

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@adamnehswims “Hurts his eyes” 🙄

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@Boston_Blind I do always take stuff like this as a sign that the man just doesn’t care what I want or like.

[AlwaysAshley @AshleyAlready]

@samontwitttter I can’t give him that kind of hope. Maybe I should tell him I only talk when I’m on a boat?