edward wolden

I make stupid jokes. If you take me seriously you're doing it wrong

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Never met a slim guy named Jim

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

I thought the new Pope was kinda cool, but then I found out he’s Catholic

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

“I really thought people would buy a candy called Skeetles” - Lil Jon’s former business manager

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Kate Zacharia lasted 5 days as the White House Press secretary, but in a cabinet full of guys who can’t last 5 minutes, that’s almost impressive

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

I don’t think the French are all that impressive, I also hate the government and don’t shower much

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

I hate Zionist Halloween because what do you mean you’re Barney Rubble That Used to be a Hospital

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Apparently it’s gay to actually like women

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

@danielwolden No

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

@danielwolden It supposed to be.

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

The fact that the GOP is behind the Albertan separatists shows that racist old white guys haven’t updated their playbook since the Civil War.

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Part of the deal the Albertan separatists made with the Republicans is that Americans have to pretend to like the Oilers

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

If there’s 7 rapists in a group chat with 50 guys who kept silent, then there’s 57 rapists in a group chat

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Trans men are also being targeted by ICE because they were told to go after anyone who was born abroad.

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Muslim chef be like, “Let me Halal at you”

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Anti-vax Fred Flintstone be like Jabba Jabba Don’t

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

Please stop calling me an open mic comedian. I am quite closed off, thank you.

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re the bottle of wine on the table in the Katie Dippold Babadook meme?

[edward wolden @AstroStomp]

I hate gay leftist Halloween because what do you mean you’re Dolly Pardon Luigi Mangione