Atopical

Couple of desperate comics trying anything to get a writing gig on late night.
@jesuzreed
@samcoryrose

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

@max_ogle *lifts pinky*

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

COVID-19 is probably the least gross thing someone has caught at Mar a Lago

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

As long as the roaches weren't scooping out the inside of the bagel, I don't really see a problem.

[New York Post @nypost]

Soho tenant claims roaches swarmed her bagel: lawsuit https://t.co/dP8sDBlchU

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

I mean, we've all been there.

[AP Oddities @AP_Oddities]

Burning love: Nebraska police say a 19-year-old woman sparked an apartment fire by using a butane torch to burn love letters from her ex in her bedroom. https://t.co/6Exjh5Uz59 #odd

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

God to the Maccabees

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

PLENTY OF OIL!

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

*cocaine sniff*
"Let's do it again, but this time, I'm holding this beautiful phone. It's really an amazing, beautiful phone. Many, many people are saying it."

[Team Trump (Text TRUMP to 88022) @TeamTrump]

President @realDonaldTrump is ALWAYS working hard for America! 🇺🇸

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Of course he thinks 94 is a “high and very beautiful number” it’s his IQ.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

94% Approval Rating in the Republican Party! Tuesday night in the Great State of North Carolina proved that high and very beautiful number correct.

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Yes, make sure the record player is on, but if it isn’t a rare Japanese pressing of a Smiths album, don’t fucking bother.

[Bloomberg @business]

Joe Biden at the #DemDebate suggests low-income families could use a radio or “record player” to help their children hear more words https://t.co/K3Ob9IBhSQ

[Randall Otis @RandallOtisTV]

The Catholic Church is wild bc they got away with sex crimes for so long and their music isn’t even that good

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Every year dozens of young men's chances of having sex are killed by playing bass guitar. Hey Mike! Heck yes, we're going to take your BASS GUITAR.

[Ambassador Mike Huckabee @GovMikeHuckabee]

Dozens are killed every year on skateboards. Thousands injured. Hey Beto! Heck yes, we're going to take your SKATEBOARD!

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

I'm confused.

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

A new species of electric eel has been discovered, but researches say it will still be a few years before it's compatible with the iPhone.

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Stand up against fascism

Vape

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

A delivery man stole $90,000 worth of fancy cakes, according to a recent lawsuit, which in New York is like 2.5 cakes.
https://t.co/kYrAo0VM3k via @gothamist

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Can’t wait for his mustache to pick up oil painting during its retirement

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Breaking News: President Trump fired John R. Bolton, his third national security adviser, over differing approaches on Iran, North Korea and Afghanistan. https://t.co/s0xxPliTJ9

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Apparently period tracking apps are selling data to Facebook. Talk about blood money.

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

#GunSafetyPresident hold my beer

https://t.co/qoGmdCEa45

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Millenials: we're drowning in college debt
The Fed: uh.. yeah. We're gonna introduce negative interest rates so... you're also gonna wanna start putting A LOT more aside for retirement k? Thanks bud

[Atopical @Atopicaljokes]

Cool, ask Afghanistan how that worked out for them.

[CNN International @cnni]

Protesters in Hong Kong wave US flags as they march on the US Consulate to call for help from the Trump administration in ending a three-month stand off with the government. https://t.co/k3XnnAnPUn