Austin Zucchi

Progress / Avid Gambler / Zucchini

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@Peter_Bukowski @LuckyRebel__ Why you complaining? Should be happy and go bet it if it’s so far off.

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@jmthrivept Who’s ahead of him knowing jeanty is one

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@AltBurnerAcct Fade Rob on kalshi?

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@joeyisaks Desantis?

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@JoeyKnish22 Maybe he was discussing a teaser?

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@KyleHunterPicks No Team totals?

[AllRapTakes @AllRapTakes]

“Lil Wayne use to outrap rappers on their own beats”

[Sam Monson @SamMonsonNFL]

Josh McDaniels' career really is hilarious.

3x stints as a high-level OC in New England, punctuated by 2 absolute catastrophes of a Head Coaching job where everybody hated him.

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

MLF IS ON ONE

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

MLF is cooking!

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@tydemuth8

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@Peter_Bukowski High winds handicaps a lot of this

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@wendellfp @danorlovsky7 What is the compensation pick if he gets that much?

[Rob Pizzola @robpizzola]

If anyone laid 13.5 with the Vikings with what was available to them all week, including some 12.5 and 13 at post, they probably should give up betting forever instead of demanding an investigation imho

[Wendell Ferreira @wendellfp]

Even with the backups, the run-run-pass isn't going away. Clayton Tune doesn't get it done on 3nd & long, three-and-out.

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@chamath As they climb the tree, they start to get in on the fraud and probably change their narrative

[Ken - Packers Cap @KenIngalls]

Rashan Gary

[Austin Zucchi @AustinZucchi]

@AndyHermanNFL Through the key number zero is very important

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.