Aussie_dad_jokes

I told my family that when I die, they have to print out my collection of my dad jokes to hand out to everyone at my funeral.

These are some of my favorites

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Besides collecting dad jokes, I love to escape with my camera, locally, and occasionally overseas.

I've been working on a website where I'm going to upload all my personal favorites.

https://t.co/JqwDMWmKs8

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

@mattwood1958 @ArfurSmith You know the secret to a great dad joke is to not let facts get in the way 😜

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

@Matt_Pinner Learnt to drive in the late 80s in a 200B.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

@WillieHandler Always give 100% in anything you do.. well except for when you are giving blood.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Why was the pediatrician always angry at work?

Because he had very little patients.

Well, that and watching preventable diseases return because vaccines are now a "personal choice."

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Why was the American pediatrician always angry at work?

Because he had very little patients—

especially after insurance companies decided cough syrup counts as “experimental treatment.”

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Why was the American
pediatrician always angry at work?

Because he had very little patients.

Also because the government cut funding, and now he moonlights as a school nurse with duct tape and hope.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

@HeirOfSigma @Stephen_lafonta @jjjjjjjjojohohn Funny. But lots of countries actually do do that.

Of course, we don't have a totally out of control health system that charges you $500 just so that you can hold your own baby after giving birth, so you might wanna fix that first.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

🎉 BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! 🎉
Australian Groan now has a website!
Get a random dad joke from 700+ groaners every time you load the page.
Great for a laugh, a cringe, or confusing your kids.
Check it out — the groan is strong with this one!

https://t.co/sKFHJjkY2g

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

First they said AI would steal our jobs.
Now it’s telling me to book a cruise and take a nap—for my “emotional stability.

This is how it starts. Wellness tyranny.
(Not that I’d mind a cruise… just let me pretend it was my idea.)

[Matt Wood @mattwood1958]

I saw a cat in the pet shop display with a sign saying it was a mix of Netherlands and UK heritage. I went in and asked, “How Dutch is that moggie in the window?”
#SideSplittingSunday

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

"Gilbert O'Sullivan came into my bank the other day"

"What did he want?"

"A loan again, naturally..."

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

A truck carrying a load of Pringles has crashed after a tire blowout

The driver is reported as having said, "Once I popped, I could not stop"

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

My friend Jay had twin girls. He wanted to name them after him.

I suggested Kaye and Elle.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Don’t you hate it when you read read as read when you meant to read read as read and not read, so you have to reread it so you read it as read and not read?

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

My friend composes ditties about sewing machines.

She's a Singer songwriter.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

Was watching ‘Dirty Dancing’ while eating dinner with the Mrs the other night and I sneakily took the herbs off her plate

I’ve had the thyme off my wife...

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

I've been receiving lots of unsolicited brochures in the mail trying to get me to buy Chinese boats.

I hate getting junk mail.

[Aussie_dad_jokes @AustralianGroan]

@weekdayjokes I'm making an action series about an airplane hijacking, we are shooting the pilot tonight.

[J.F. Lawrence | Author (Jesse) @jflWrites]

True or False:
My cat strongly influences my ability to sleep. Therefore, my cat is an influencer. 🤣🤪