Ted Eric Eschliman

Retired music retail/owner. Now, to conquer the world of commercial real estate.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

@ChrchCurmudgeon Bet they were pissed.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

@adamcarolla New Rutgers wideout recruit: D’Stendid Baul.

[Glockenspiel Dreams @GlockenDreams]

Farnsworth hurt his back so we helped take down his Xmas decorations. With its last breath, his long-serving Christmas tree shat itself all the way to the trash can.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Guess the Year... #ChristmasTraditions

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

#blandinos Lactose Intolerant? You’ll love our Macaroni No Gratin!

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Antônio Carlos Whole Bean
#MixCoffeeAndBossaNova

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Great restaurant name. Rolls off the Tounge Sushi.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

@ChrchCurmudgeon The slow, 6-month deathward spiral toward Winter Solstice.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Plant-based food options are taking over my grocery store’s frozen section. Like a weed.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Friday. No masks at the gym and we can finally get back to the Old Ways. Sharing head colds and foot fungus again.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

@adamcarolla Ace, borrow from football. When you pull white actors and actresses from network lineups to keep them from diversity quotas harm...
Caucasian Protocol?

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Two ways to Unity:
1) Listen. Compromise.
2) Stop listening. Obliterate the Opposition.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Things they minimize counting in Las Vegas:
1. Cards
2. O.J. Simpson Memorabilia
3. Ballots

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

#CollegeColorsDay #GBR

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Got a little overexcited finding skimpy little stringy loungerie buried deeply in the clean laundry basket, then I realized it was just a COVID mask. #Cstring

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Me to my 12 yr old self: When you’re in your 60’s, you’ll be buying, frying, and eating Brussels Sprouts.
12 yr old self: So at what age do I go completely insane?

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

@adamcarolla Ace, new bit... Think jobs we glamorized as a kid, but times have changed. Starter list:
Neighborhood Police Officer
Mail Carrier
Typewriter Repairman
Gas Station Attendant
Blockbuster Video Sales Mgr
Nigerian Prince

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Tripped over my flip flops, but then again, they are by very definition, an imprecise form of footwear.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

Me: A simple tall black coffee, please.
Starbucks Drivethru Barista: Anything else?
Me: The last 18 minutes of my life back, please.

[Ted Eric Eschliman @AuthenticTed]

My dentist’s robocall telling me it’s time to schedule my 6 mos checkup is annoying, but it does remind me to start flossing again in preparation.