BBC Marred

For those whose reputation has been marred by police investigation into alleged crimes - come on Marr & tell the public you're innocent! (satire, from @news42)

[Parallel PM @PMparallel]

There’s a budget for the upkeep of the Downing Street flat. Last night we spent an hour on Etsy and other sites looking at the work of small independent British designers & craftspeople, choosing some beautiful new decor. So much talent out there - support independent businesses

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Getting in trouble with his Number Ten handlers would also blow our producer’s chances of replacing Allegra Stratton when she inevitably resigns/is fired

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

To everyone complaining Andy wasn’t tough enough with Boris: we can’t go asking him hard questions, because he wouldn’t be able to answer them correctly, and then how would that look?

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Looking forward to Nige popping in today. Now he’s not an MEP, ontop of not being an MP, he should have even more time to come on the telly for a friendly natter with his pals

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Yeah! You tell him Huw. Bloody born-again Oborne - was one of us but turned out to be too soft and lefty, started banging on about truth! Ridiculous concept

[Sir Dongby Widdle-Smith @DongbyTory]

Tremendous news that old Nige is on board. Mrs Widdle-Smith says he’s like I am when we’re in the sack: lots of noise and promises, but never actually delivers a result except for one night years ago.
At least he’s pulled out in time I guess

[News42 @news42]

On our breakfast programme we accidentally replaced a clip of Boris Johnson receiving bundles of cash from Russians, with archive footage from 3 years ago of him handing money to a nurse. This was a technical error and definitely not deliberate or anybody’s actual fault.

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

One year on...

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

We’ve been getting questions from barristers about how other clients under investigation by the police can come on the show to campaign their innocence. Please note, all applications need to come via offshore companies

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

One year on

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Always nice to read the reviews on a Monday. Seems we did great!

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

It’s one year since we had Arron Banks on to confuse the public about the investigation into him, so today we celebrated by having his buddy Nige on.
Onto a great lunch now, he’s such a laugh after a bottle of two of good claret

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

A statement from the BBC Marred Press Office regarding the appearance of Arron Banks on the programme tomorrow...
#marr #Marred

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

On the programme tomorrow, the Brexit volunteer forces minister and brains behind the @nationalistserv, @DongbyTory, talking about the #FrackingBan and the new environmental drive from the Tories

[Sir Dongby Widdle-Smith @DongbyTory]

Pleased to speak to local community groups this morning to celebrate our ban on #Fracking. The @Conservatives truly are the real green party!

Was also pleased to join @CuadrillaUK directors for a rather good lunch and assure them it’s only for the duration of the election

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Yes, he’s giggling away in the corner. Also rocking back and forward and cackling, but we’ll put that down to the BBC coffee

[Jim Pickard 🐋 @PickardJE]

Cummings will be delighted by the fact that Johnson and Marr are discussing the words “Surrender Act” at great length, it’s another chance to air the expression and give it greater exposure

[News42 @news42]

Government launches £100m marketing campaign for Brexit, with the slogan “Brace Yourself”. Insiders say the phrase is Boris Johnson’s forelay before he fucks anything, including the UK economy

[News42 @news42]

BREAKING: Ian Fletcher resigns as BBC Head of Values to join @DExEUgov as Director of Envisioning and Realisation

More on this story as we get it...

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Andy’s considering running for the Tory leadership. Says that someone prepared to laude fellow Tories, harangue Labour and ignore the LibDems and Greens is exactly what they need

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Jesus Andy what’re you thinking? Did you not read the brief?
Look at these lefty bloody remoaners

[Femi @Femi_sorry]

HE'S DOING IT!!! YEEEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!! #MARR!!!🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

The bloody intern has finally been able to go home after keeping Nigel’s favourite piles cushion warm on the studio chair all night. Here we go #Marr #MarrShow

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Good god we could never accuse Nige of lying! That’d completely undermine trust in him.
It’s true that sometimes the prior facts have diverged somewhat from his stated position, but there’s no need to make a thing about it.

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Starting to regret this now. Should leave breaking the fourth wall to Fleabag. #Marr

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Time to hit the sack. Maybe I’m a bit bloody sloshed on champers, but thought it might be fun to tweet Andy’s brief for tomorrow so you can follow along at home:

1. don’t mention the bloody car accident or walking away from it. Makes Nige look like a bloody cowardly prick

[BBC Marred @BBCMarred]

Andy, definitely don’t mention this, okay?

[Gabriel Pogrund @Gabriel_Pogrund]

Excl: A dozen Tories suspended for Islamophobia are campaigning for the Brexit Party incl:
- candidate who said mosques should be bombed
- a woman who posted 😂 emojis re Muslim concentration camps
- activist who said Muslims should be banned from govt https://t.co/LW2WsNZ90Q