BClops

I'm not that strong but I can open most jars

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it's hard to be optimistic when you think you're better than everyone and you suck

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the saddest thing about quasimodo was if he just believed in himself he could have been totallymodo

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Whenever God closes a door, He opens a window, which is why Heaven is so expensive to heat.

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@JayTrone STOP TRYING TO PULL OFF THAT NEON COWBOY HAT

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@CosmicJones I'm pretty sure a guy was sleeping in the handicapped stall at work today and my first thought was of you.

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The misattribution is all the more embarrassing because of Sexy Louis XIV's well-known moisture problem.

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CORRECTION: "L'etat, c'est moist" is actually a quote from Sexy Louis XIV.

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"L'etat, c'est moist." --Sexy Napoleon

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@lizcaradonna But in the case of Legitimate Ape, your body has ways to try to shut that whole 'stume down.

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@KatyYeiser I support this move. I think it's important to commit in a way that shows you're not fucking around.

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@CosmicJones Unless the goal is to get drunk and forgetful; a *classic* win-win.

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@timhowd Gross, man.

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@laura_clark The only reasonable path forward is to honor their memory by walking to McGriddles as frequently as possible. Oh also a shrine.

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@NatalieBaseman ick that's like my third least-favorite game show #dildobus

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@dmw_directs Yo no joke Walgreens cheeseits gave me straight up HEART PALPITATIONS. I didn't even know that was possible from one sitting.

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Estudio Español! http://t.co/yMAP99I7

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I think it's great that for over 100 years, the price of a pickle-tickling has stayed the same (a nickel).

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@grahamclark Their directions use Mapquest, which is apparently still a thing, so there's a good chance they just have no taste.

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@PatParhiala Noooooooooooo! There's no such thiiiiiing!

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@NatalieBaseman I can't hang onto a clean dress shirt! We should find someone who can ruin their pants instantly and form some kind of team.