It’s time to start swimming again.
I looked in the mirror this morning and felt disgusted at the person I saw.
Life isn’t about outrunning your problems.
You want to know what the meaning of life is?
Struggle.
Only through struggle can you shed the skin of the boy you are and become the man you want to be.
Only through struggle can you come to appreciate the good times that come as a result of perseverance.
Only through struggle can you grow as a person.
I grind my streams and my League rank to numb myself, and then when problems arise I just cope with either alcohol or by receiving emotional validation from strangers.
This isn’t self-love, this is just trying to avoid self-hate.
This is not the kind of man I want to be.
This toxic habit has controlled my life for far too long, and it’s time to take back control.
I’ve neglected my body for the last 3 weeks, and my soul for the last 3 years.
That changes today.
My last week in Korea will be spent caring for myself.
It’ll be spent working out not with the intention of waking myself up for my stream;
But rather working out with the intention of becoming stronger and leaner.
It’ll be spent going out with the other streamers not with the intention of finding a stranger to give me emotional validation;
But rather going out with the intention of spending time and enjoying my time with the friends I’ve made during this trip.
And finally, the hardest part.
My last week here will be spent swimming.
Something a lot of you might not know about me is that when I was 5, my parents took me and my brother out of school and had us live on a boat for 2 years, sailing the Caribbean.
During that time I came to love swimming, but, like with all my other hobbies, I stopped once I started streaming to spend more time grinding.
It’s time to become a person again.
A person with hobbies.
A person with substance.
A person who swims.