Brad Clark

Kinda' clever, but kinda' a dick about it

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

After what we did to people with the word “lisp”- the word “annunciation” should have a lot more l’s and r’s in it

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

Inside you are two different people fighting a battle with each other. One of mine straight up killed the other one though. I don’t even know what he wants- I think he’s just crazy

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

Do the tax incentives for hiring mentally challenged people get bigger if you give the people you hire management roles?

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

There was two incredibly unathletic men getting into a fight in the street outside the bar I was at. I kept yelling “kiss each other!” Until the fatter one decided he wanted to fight me instead.
The girl they were fighting over deemed him the winner and wouldn’t let him tho

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

I bet the pied piper would’ve been like, an elite level pedophile

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

If I ever was going to kill myself it’d probably be with a device I invent to shoot me in the back of the head 12 times. Just so my uncle will absolutely never believe it

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

She did use to be hot but then got fat- thank you so much for saying that

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

Started a rumor at work that the fat, old man I don't like working with was the voice of the brave little toaster from the 80's movie "brave little toaster" but doesn't like admitting to it because every time he does people ask why he doesn't still have money left from it.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

"Soo, is there a 'Mister Negligent Parent' orr..?"

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

I hope 2020's been good to Tupac. I mean, he's gotta be in a high risk group with his age and how much he smokes.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

You and your daughter have matching outfits on Instagram.
My cats haven't seen me in three days.
What I'm trying to say is:
Thanks for not answering my texts when I was 19.
We are clearly different people.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

*sees family of fat people going for a walk around town during quarintine times*
To myself- "just couldn't give up the exercise even for a couple weeks, huh?"

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

I've never walked away from an explosion with my back turned, but today I answered a 50 year old mans question
"you're voting for Bernie right?"
with the phrase,
"pfft, voting's not real, bro"
and left before he could respond
So I feel like I get the jist.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

I'm getting worried a lot of you forget what I look like

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

Politics today give me hope that even if all those pictures of me smoking weed out of mountain dew cans at age 15-16 come out, I could probably still win a bid for public office without much extra effort.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

'Was asked two times in the same week if I was a dancer.
I'm not, but i guess it's just all my fuckin' grace.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

Today I accidentally said "you want them right there" instead of "him right there" while pointing out my boss for someone: and I honestly felt just more bad at speaking and dumb than I did progressive using plural pronouns like that.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

If you're polite when ordering your coffee, I'll bring you a water with it to help you hydrate.
If you're a dick, you don't get any water and I pressure you to drink more coffee than anyone. I can't make you not be an asshole to me, but I can give you a headache later.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

I went to drop a check to a table today and a girl had her phone open on the table with half naked pictures of herself facing me.
Which like, neat.
You still have to tip me tho.

[Brad Clark @B_radicalbomb]

The older I get, the more it feels like "being an adult" just means only getting really fucked up when there's at least 16 hours between you and any serious commitment.