Alife Solomons (parody)

Jew. Baker. Other words the powers that be won't let me put here. Tommy Shelby shot me right in the f*cking face. #RazorsReborn =MC/OC/Parody/#Twisted=

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

Me and Thomas have some history, now don’t we?

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

Tom Hardy as Alfie Solomons in Peaky Blinders is something else.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TheHouseBurns May want to rethink that, mate.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TheHouseBurns Well good job, old man. Right fucking aces.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

I remember that Changretta lot. Funny accents. Big mouths.

[Thomas Michael Shelby. @TheHouseBurns]

[Hisses] Changretta

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TheHouseBurns @TwistedRebekah @SassNSage @ScornedVVitch @MyScarsAreMaps @SpitefulVillian @fanged_spaniard @DeadAuntPolly @VillrKonungr @DirewolfPhantom @HomicidalHybrid @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival [Shock has my mouth popped open.]

Am I the only one who sees what an absolute load of shit this is? My mate, is up there on death’s door for no other reason that who he is mated to.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@fanged_spaniard @MyScarsAreMaps @SpitefulVillian @DeadAuntPolly @SassNSage @TwistedRebekah @TheHouseBurns @VillrKonungr @DirewolfPhantom @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival Come on now, Elijah. You’re a man of the world. You deal in numbers and hard facts.

[I wave a hand.]

Tell me you see how Ragnar is a better fit for your sister there with the torture chambers, and the reputation she has, and the list of enemies long as my fucking arm.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@SpitefulVillian That they would, mate. That they would.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@SpitefulVillian @SassNSage @TwistedRebekah @TheHouseBurns @MyScarsAreMaps @fanged_spaniard @VillrKonungr @DeadAuntPolly @DirewolfPhantom @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival [My head snaps to the direction of the crash.]

What in the absolute fuck is it with these originals and throwing shit? You'd think with them being old as shit, they'd have more class.

[I point at Polly.]

A habit which our Thomas has picked up.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

Don't listen to a word he says, Rebekah. Your name has spilled from his lips now and then. Especially when he's sleeping.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

Don't know what the fuss is about. Ragnar is a much better fit for Rebekah. Bet her brothers would agree.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@DeadAuntPolly @TwistedRebekah @MyScarsAreMaps @fanged_spaniard @SpitefulVillian @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival But—and here is the part where fate has stepped in—their bond is…

[I spread my hands.]

…corrupted to shit.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TwistedRebekah @MyScarsAreMaps @fanged_spaniard @SpitefulVillian @DeadAuntPolly @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival — to be dead. Poor bastard wakes up on his ship surrounded by water and without the lovely blonde.

[I check the door then go back to Polly.]

No break up. No hate. No his heart on her wall. The perfect pick to take Rebekah off Tommy’s hands.

[I nod.]

A brilliant idea.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TwistedRebekah @MyScarsAreMaps @fanged_spaniard @SpitefulVillian @DeadAuntPolly @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival [Edging forward gets me close enough that I can speak low.]

Did you know that Ragnar and Rebekah used to be an item.

[I point.]

To be more specific, Ragnar was the first man to ever /touch/ said Original Sister.
Enter some wolves, biting and blood, and Ragnar is thought —

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

Elijah, is that a proposition of a sexual nature? Cause it sure fucking sound like it is, mate.

[Elijah Mikaelson {Parody} @SpitefulVillian]

I could eat him??? I'm willing to take one for the team 😁

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TheHouseBurns @MyScarsAreMaps @DeadAuntPolly @TwistedRebekah @SpitefulVillian @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @fanged_spaniard @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival — have employed my own plan to perform a Rebekah-ectomy.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TheHouseBurns @MyScarsAreMaps @DeadAuntPolly @TwistedRebekah @SpitefulVillian @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @fanged_spaniard @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival [Being strategic on a fucking biblical scale, I pull out my phone and set some Mozart to play. Then, I take a seat next to Thomas’ dear old aunt.]

I, for one, am fucking tired of seeing Thomas bear the brunt of the fucktastical happenings of the Original Family, and as such —

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TwistedRebekah @SpitefulVillian @DeadAuntPolly @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @fanged_spaniard @MyScarsAreMaps @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival -- Despite the years, I'm still not used to how you get in and put of places, Polly. What I wouldn't give for a talent like that.

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@TwistedRebekah @SpitefulVillian @DeadAuntPolly @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @fanged_spaniard @MyScarsAreMaps @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival [Being careful not to attract too much attention to myself isn't too difficult, with the three women intently sizing the other up in their little circle.

I motion for Polly to follow me into the library, closing the glass double doors when she fades from view.]

__

[Alife Solomons (parody) @BakerNoMore]

@DeadAuntPolly @TheHouseBurns @DirewolfPhantom @TwistedRebekah @SpitefulVillian @VillrKonungr @SassNSage @HomicidalHybrid @ScornedVVitch @VaticScribe @fanged_spaniard @MyScarsAreMaps @DomusAutemBovis @_AngelofTorment @loyalcountess @WiserManForIt @PyrrhicSurvival Now, Polly Gray, ghostly eavesdropper that you are, you tell me if my words were wrong.

[I smack my lips.]

The answer, the only answer, you can give is “No, Alife, your words were not wrong.”