Joel Hames Author

I write thrillers that make your jaw drop, which is a cheap alternative to cosmetic surgery.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Just began a conversation with the words “Because of the nature of parmesan,” and now my children will be taking the piss out of me until the day I die.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Oh well that’s fine then

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Do I have any followers with expertise on England shortly post Norman conquest - 1080s-1100?
Bonus marks for expertise on charters granted to religious houses or anything linked to the Curthose and/or the First Crusade, but biggest bonus points for anything about Odo of Bayeux.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Just one ⭐️ for this place, did not expect to have to share my accommodation with more than 99 other guests.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Agency: “Happy New Year! We’ve got an acting gig for you!”
Actor: “Already? Great! Can I see the script?”
Agency: …..
Actor: “Hello?”
Agency: “It’s for the BBC!”
Man: “Cool! But can I see the script?”
Agency: …..

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Scott Bakula as the donkey in the crèche at Clitheroe Castle, a series of 1 (one).

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

‘Reader’? ‘Reader’, singular? I’ll tell you what, Microsoft Word, I find that pretty damned offensive myself.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Not gonna lie, gutted that my kids are never gonna be able to nip down to London on the old HS2 and buy 20 B&H.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Today’s post is that rarest of things, a free lunch, or at least, it would be if you could eat ebooks.

To celebrate the launch of our new series, @rachelmcwrites and I are giving away a Cumbria Crime novella.

Click for your free copy of The Castle.

https://t.co/EMBDwUWV5j

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Arsenal’s choice

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Thrilled to announce book 1 of a new series I’m writing with million-selling crime writer Rachel McLean. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you…The Harbour.

More on my website here: https://t.co/jyZ42KPkcg

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

A: Can you help me pick a name for my new online scam persona?
B: How about this one?
A: Yeah, that’ll do.

[Joel Hames Author @BankersTown]

@sarahsahagian @josephfish416 Just seen this. Thank you! I am nice, it’s true.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

I see one of my favourite crime thrillers has gone all topical

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Not doing “dress like a writer” thing because I’d have to stroll to the other wing of my typical writer’s castle to rifle through my typical writer’s wardrobe rooms, since my typical writer’s butler is on holiday, and (as I’m mid typical writer’s opium trance), I can’t be arsed.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

Center Parcs Vladimir Putin
🤝

Frantically hunting down the number for David Beckham’s PR

[The Fall of Britain - A C21 History Module @TheC21]

“Dodge around the Lodge” has become a classic childhood game hundreds of years later, but this is its curious 21st century origin.

“Guests prepare to evade staff, Center Parcs, 19th September 2022”

[Joel Hames Author @BankersTown]

@darmstrong1812 @shitscaredmum Sorry I’ve taken so long to see this. I do edit non fiction but am booked up for a while now; what’s your schedule @shitscaredmum ?

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

This season of “The Supreme Court Of The United States” is seriously dark.

[Joel Hames @joel_hames]

I assure you I’m not, officer. Honestly. I’ve only had a few eels.