Bartlby The Destroyer

he/him. Got this acct is so I can say whatever shit I feel w/o annoying fam & friends. Wake bake type & send

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

"The Bee's Knees" is so over.
"The Goat's Oats" is in now.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

I buy all the frozen bagged vegetables separately and mix them myself

[Eliza Skinner @elizaskinner]

Unsolicited cringe advice of the evening: your years do not diminish in value as you increase in age. Don’t worry about getting things done before a certain age, worry about living and enjoying it all.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

This show was cool and got better as it went. Also, I can't be alone in wanting a Karen Page movie

[CBR @CBR]

Daredevil alums Deborah Ann Woll and Skylar Gaertner, as well as Season 1 showrunner Steven DeKnight, celebrate the Marvel show's recent viewership surge on Netflix.

https://t.co/xQqx5LyxtU

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

I prolly did

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

I'm not gaslighting you. You're gaslighting yourself

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Update- Did not become juggalo. Did walk around singing "damn I wish I wuz a ninja" for a while. There's a lot going on irl rn so it was prolly just a passing phase. Now I'm gonna listen to 10000 maniacs and relax

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

I feel like just becoming a Juggalo.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

The CDC recommends putting one foot in and taking one foot out but the full hokey pokey is not required. If desired you may shake it all about

[George Wallace @MrGeorgeWallace]

The holidays can be fun, but for those who actually have sugar plums dancing in their heads it can be terrifying. If this is you or someone you know text STOPTHEPLUMSANDWHATNOT to 18339.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Shipoopi, man. Shipoopi

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Hey, Fun Fact!- If you inhale while trimming your mustache you can snort your hair. Thank you all for coming. We will not be taking questions at this time.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Isn't Air Fryer the one where they teach Friar Tuck how to play basketball after he is magically transported to 1990's San Francisco?

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

@Angry_Staffer Good thing Republicans are here to point out these scandals. Gosh, if only I had known about her headphone preferences before I voted for her! This is why we need more transparency in gov. - Was nobody gonna tell us? The socialists want to keep us tethered to wired headphones! 🙄

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

I feel perpetually two thousand and late

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Also, Egghead should be played by Bondodonk Cucumberspatula

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

The next Batman movie should be a dark psychological thriller about Egghead stealing the world's most valuable caviar from the venerable Gotham Hoity-Toity Society

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Never had a sticky wicket. I carry WD40 like a real man.

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

Well, good.

But also. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHS OH OH BOY WOW

um, excuse me. Where was I?

Oh,
BWhahahahahwhehehHwhehehwhehHwhehHOHOHOHOHOHNOdamn, bruh.
Good luck, bucko.
Who thaaa fuck thinks Congressman to Official Stoolie(tm) is a promotion?

[NPR Politics @nprpolitics]

Rep. Devin Nunes, R-Calif., an ally of former President Donald Trump, is resigning from his congressional seat to become CEO of Trump's new media company that aims to launch its own social media platform: https://t.co/KJbQNVyLQm

[Bartlby The Destroyer @BartlbyD]

One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush until you figure out amortization and the fact that one of the birds was cooking the books