Mary Bayer

[Larry @Tom & Marty's @tomandmartys]

Next month you will finally get to go out to dinner with your family. Here’s how it will go:

Mom: I’ll have a glass of wine
Brother: Can I have a Coke?
Dad: A beer please.
You: Can I have a Vodka White Claw pitcher please?
Dad: That’s it, you’re not going back to Binghamton.

[Audrey Weber @AudreyWeber23]

@tomandmartys rip. will never forget the falling ceiling tile as I pee 😌

[Chill Vibes @ChiIIVlbes]

take this time to focus on yourself. be alone with yourself. find peace within yourself.🌻

[bobby wasabi @bobbyteriyaki]

can’t wait til they legalize outside

[Thomas White @len0killer]

Not wearing glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough

[Jordan Daley @JDaley]

We grew up shouting 'KOBE' anytime they threw something.

Never stop doing it, Never let the tradition die.

[SLANDER @SlanderOfficial]

Don't tell me that your love is gone

[😵‍💫 @mirrorbald]

And I oop-

[Ryan Hartley @RyannHartley]

My girlfriend complained that her fries weren’t curly enough so I gave her my curliest fry. She was so happy you would’ve thought I pulled out a ring and proposed. Girls are more simple than we were led to believe.

[hannah @supersendsauce]

going to school inbetween thanksgiving and christmas break feels like the last lap in mario kart where the music is all fast and gets really stressful

[💛 MAL 💛 @Malloryy_lewis]

if your bff is a 11/10 , retweet dis .

[Mary Bayer @BayerMary]

@sarahrosica I love you to the moon and back I can’t wait to see you 💋

[Bricks Assembled @bricksassembled]

i’ve either made a great discovery or a terrible mistake

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: It was a perfect day.

Me: Why?

4: I had ice cream.

That's all it takes.

[el gato de manzanas 🍎 🐱 @gato_manzanas]

Thought i looked cute might delete later ;) 👀

[Charlie 👑🐀 @CharlieDayQuote]

OMG NO

[gary from teen mom @garyfromteenmom]

im not responsible for what i say when my crocs are on