Patrick Barnes

Super sleuth of Twittersville.

[Patrick Barnes @Beat_Sheet]

So Charles Manson is 80 and he's marrying a 26 year old. Why do I have the feeling that he'll outlive her?

[Patrick Barnes @Beat_Sheet]

@robdelaney man this is just an evergreen tweet

[Patrick Barnes @Beat_Sheet]

@cinemasins is the scream 3 video disappearing a known issue? i wanted to watch it and it vanished! sorry to bother you, just never saw an update about why that was?

[Paul Allardyce @toppatopshotta]

There's only one excuse for wearing Oakleys to a wedding - being Dog the Bounty Hunter.

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

[looking at blurry photo of some fireworks on Facebook]
"Damn it's like im there"

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
someone told him how to spell 'pore'
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

I wear a backpack when I fuck. It's filled with books on how to fuck good.

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don't worry, I didn't want you to get me anything anyway. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

By the age of 35, you should have at least 3 body pains that come and go with no rhyme or reason and can't be explained by a physician

[Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams]

Wanna feel old? This is what Yanny and Laurel look like today:

[Patrick Barnes @Beat_Sheet]

Was it on jimmy Kimmel

[Patrick Barnes @Beat_Sheet]

@mark_wahlberg

[Elizabeth Hackett @LizHackett]

The fastest way to get someone to call you back is take a shower.

[Amanda Brooke Perrin @brookeperrin]

Opening twitter is the new opening a peanut can with snakes in them.