Belle Is A Mom

Beauty and the Tweets.

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

on my way to girls night ready to torpedo the vibe by getting emotional about how beautiful female friendship is

[dan @dadopotamus]

I’m into women that stand up for themselves.

[Sooz @CruisinSoozan]

cleaned out a flower bed and thought about anticipatory grief for about an hour

[𝓜𝓮𝓱𝓻𝓲💫 @meh_thinks]

I might be a little rude and sarcastic but i'd do everything for the people i love

[Tony P. @Tbone7219]

Cop ~ Sir have you been drinking?

Me ~ Well I just took my niece and her teenage friends to Hot Topic

Cop ~ Ok you're free to go.

[trash jones @jzux]

i always text like i’m a little drunk because I’m too lazy to correct any typo

[Mommeh Dearest @mommeh_dearest]

If you tell my 6yo not to do something he makes that thing his entire personality.

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

*clutching a 20% off coupon, crying*

bed bath and into the great beyond

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

You don't know anger until you forget to ask for a receipt so your wife can scan it into her receipt points app.

[𝕾𝖈𝖔𝖙𝖙 @bgdadyspnkbtm]

i don’t care who you are, we all deserve that “i just called to hear your voice because i missed you” kind of love

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

sure sex is great but have you ever had someone appreciate your music recommendations

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

The older I get the more stipulations I have before I attend a social event.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

Just drinking an old fashion outside watching rival dad mow his lawn. Waiting to point out any spots he misses.

[I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids]

when I said I’m always up for anything I meant yesterday

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

"What was that guy thinking that he could trap Hannibal Lecter and feed him to his pigs? I mean come on now. Hannibal Lecter got him to eat his own skin. Come on."

~ actual angry thought I had the other day

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

Do you ever feel like walking out into the ocean as deep as you can still touch bottom?

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

Just when I thought Bean Dad went out for cigarettes and was never coming back.

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

The devastating effects of climax change.

[SneezingWithWetMascara @WetMascara]

That Steven Crowder video reminds me of Sleeping with the Enemy.