Adrian Dad

Dog ate my bio

[Adrian Dad @StyloDad]

I told my kids that they had enough Halloween candy and then I woke up in the oven

[Μαρια Κιτρινη @greek_heanen]

-This new book holder you bought smells bad
-That's a block of cheese

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Your enthusiasm for the McRib is tearing this family apart.

[pocket gremlin @MehIntoTheVoid]

That's it. You're all grounded.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

She's a 10 but enjoys playing a theramin.

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

I've never been in a meeting and I don't know what "workflow" is

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

Today I am thankful for birds, specifically Ducks and gooses.

[MandolinMike @Violinzilla]

I love the smell of karma in November.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Maybe your baby is crying because he wants a rib-eye steak (medium rare) and a Löwenbräu.

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Great. Now put Russell Brand on trial for that Arthur remake.

[Adrian Dad @StyloDad]

Walked into my kids putting up Christmas decorations while blasting Feliz Navidad so I asked if they were also putting up the tree. The answer I got was, “After December 1st…we’re not crazy, dad.”

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Every spider you ever killed is waiting for you in Heaven

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

*runs with scissors*

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

If your Halloween decorations aren't down by end of business tomorrow I'll call the cops

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Dave from Wendy's used to work for Colonel Sanders it's all connected man

[Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

I can tell when someone thinks they're a warlock just by looking at them

[ugh @ughfinewhatever]

a dog just shot and killed kristi noem

[Trey @treydayway]

I miss the 90s because that's where I left my metabolism and knees

[Sweet Momissa @sweetmomissa]

And now is the time on Sprockets when we shitpost

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

Sometimes I think that I should only have to say things once and then I just laugh and laugh.