Ben Cardilli

Comedian from MTL, QC

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Prosecutor: Your story isn't fooling anyone!

Me (on the stand): Jump in de line! Rock your body in time! 🎵

Jury: Ok! I believe you! 🎶

Prosecutor: Damn...

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Euphoria finale was pretty much…

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Maybe for Kanye the swastika is just the symbol for 69ing with your cousin.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

For this one Easter, Jesus wasn’t crucified. He was stoned. #420

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Just took an Uber to my place and imagined I was food.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

She’s going on hawk tour.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

“How high up does it go?”

- Journalist inquiring about systemic corruption OR parent inquiring about the crap going up their baby’s back that is somehow dangerously close to its neckline?

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Socks have a much higher divorce rate than shoes.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Nike should get @McConaughey as their spokesman and change their slogan to “Be a lot cooler if you did it”

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Spite. Obey your worst.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Bob Barker dies at 99. Left us just under the dollar.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

For the first time in my baby’s crying career he actually made the “Waaaa” sound and I just looked at him like “that’s kinda hack, don’t ya think?”

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

@biginsanehappy Topping it has been Mission: Impossible thus far.

[JUST FOR LAUGHS @justforlaughs]

The MONTRÉAL Show 🫶 Bringing you directly into MTL's comedy scene, featuring the crème de la crème of the city's comedic talent 🍦 👑 Hosted by @BigP4H with @BenCardilli, Erich Preach, @harriweinreb, Marianne Mandrusiak, @mikecarrozza and @RashElie!
🎫 https://t.co/gJKKfFwiKN

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Whenever my dog hears thunder he goes full R Kelly.*

*hides in the closet and pisses where he shouldn’t.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Diet Coke. Shaken not stirred.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

“Next episode in” yea let’s just make me feel like a sack of shit for 5 seconds.

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

I like when there’s a stool on stage so the crowd knows I did a stand-up.

[A Very Serious Show @avseriousshow]

MAN UP, EAT BALD EAGLE!!! @BenCardilli @manyvids

[Ben Cardilli @BenCardilli]

Short URL’s are a lousy lay. They com too quick.

[Dr. Tyler Lemco @tlemco]

A VERY HUNGRY SHOW! 🍳🥓🍕🍟🍔🥞🧇🍆🌮

Brand new @avseriousshow on @ManyVids featuring @lully514 #MichelleForrester @BenCardilli @theinfinitepest and the Picasserole himself @TheJoshElkin