Ben Carson Facts

An account dedicated to speaking ancient and modern secrets discovered by noted historian Ben Carson. (Obviously satire, you stupid shit. I'll stab you.)

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

I've got the very best rice. You've never seen anything like it. Amazing.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@sugbic2a We had waffles. The dingo never ate my baby but the cheese fries can sing me to sleep. Turtles have only one Prince Cobalt.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

Lap dogs have chewy fruit snacks for eyes, which the Icelandic call "borscht." #BenCarsonFacts #BencarsonWikipedia

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@prpltnkr We only have a milkshake in my mouth. It has marshmallow goodness all up and down the ancient ruins. Augustus III fixed my Volkswagen.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@fark They need to use the Siberian hamster. It has all those can openers on it so it can smell nice like mushrooms. We have pet goats.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@JadHamdan4 @BenCarsonHUD I can milk a goat in my sleep. Can you? I can even put Cheez Whiz on an English muffin. Gargamel was on the SMURFS

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@BenCarsonHUD We all fall asleep with my cans of potted meat. They have twelve times the saucers of Denmark, friend.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

There's a cranberry and a marshmallow on the floor made of wood. It's in the house. I'm in charge of all the houses. #BenCarsonFacts

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

Frying pans were created by Martian antelopes, who speak fluent Basque. #BenCarsonFacts #AlrternativeFacts

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

Tortoises have nine spectacular eyeballs. #BenCarsonFacts #AlrternativeFacts

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@prpltnkr Then we put the mind in the microwave… we got a truck… a box… a tornado. I love being a turtle! #AltFactsFriday #BenCarsonFacts

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

The toenail is a type of lava plum that says: "Hey, Charlie! You got to make a dishwasher safe armadillo." #AltFactFriday #BenCarsonFacts

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

#alternatefacts are #BenCarsonFacts. I like those.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

I made a pee-pee on @realDonaldTrump too! It was magical!

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

A tin of sardines is worth a dozen pink pig flowers to me.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

I stab you for #Christmas.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

Santa's bringing you a knife!

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

Baby Jesus invented the fruitcake to stab Santa Claus with. #BenCarsonFacts #BenCarsonWikipedia #Christmas

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

We stab for Jesus in this #Christmas season.

[Ben Carson Facts @BenCarsonFact]

@rockysrm77 @HuffPostPol We need to stab them for peace. I love to stab. A peaceful, Christian genocide is most loving. Kill em all. Peace.