Benji GarciaReyes

Bilingual Stand Up Comedian/Writer de Tj/SD. Host de @UpComedyshows

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

NEWS FLASH: There’s no such thing as “love of your life”. Means no one will love your for No reason. Wtf right? You have to work, end be worth it? Wth!? (in sarcastic tone)

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

None of my white employed friends know the fear of driving around 4th of July week w expired plates, let alone with NO License :D

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

Cinco de Mayo & Fourth of July just gives Mexicans extra work. YUP not stealing jobs, FACTS/ white folks can afford BBQs and get DUIs ;)

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

If you’re hungover today you probably don’t drink dangerously. Enjoy your hangover ROOKIES.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

@racheldeecomedy Rookie! Lol!

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I support "a woman's right to choose", especially if they choose to be a hoe. #YourBodyYourChoice

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

When I was a kid, teachers use to call me a "potty mouth" which is ironic cause as a grown up I love eating a$$.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I drink A LOT, but I don't BLACKOUT, I can only BROWN OUT, that's when I get SO faded I wake up in front of HOME DEPOT.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I don't use sex as a weapon... cause it goes off on my hand and makes a mess.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

When I was in Highschool I used to call hot girls HANDSOME, cause every time I saw one, I had the strong urge to run to the restroom and "give my hand some"

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

During the Pandemic, there were reports of people Re-Using CONDOMS... I wasn't surprised, cause if you weren't supposed to, then why do they have TWO SIDES?

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

Had a gig at a San Diego State Frat house this week. Didn't get paid, but I feel I did cause I didn't get herpes.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I'm a super stoner, but I can't celebrate 420, I'm Mexican, I can only "4:35" cause I'm always 15 minutes late!

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I know "I have the face only a mother can love"... why I do really good with single moms.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I'm 1,000,000% San Diego for LIFE. Why I still can't watch a "Chargers" game. It's like watching my Dad play with his new family from Los Angeles.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

My relationship with God is a lot like that of with my Mexican Dad, cause I'm not sure if they exist.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

I hate telling people I do stand up comedy, cause then they ask me to or wanna tell me jokes, or try and out do me... why NOW I just tell people I do porn instead.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

According to reports, in relationships between men and women, 90% of the time men are the first to say "I love you"...but we are the second ones to mean it.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

If Women are allowed to wear make up to look pretty, Men should be allowed to lie about having a job.

[Benji GarciaReyes @BenjiComedy]

If those pills that "make your [junk] bigger, actually worked, there wouldn't be so many dude driving lifted trucks.