Alexis Bernstein

Producer.Comedian.Hat Enthusiast

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Really the winner tonight is Netflix #goldenglobes

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Girls don't apologize for anything as much as they do to their diaries for not writing in a while

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Real friendship is the unspoken agreement that you can tag your friends for instagram contests at will

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Tonight I can't sleep because @ColinJost 's book is great. Last night, anxiety

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Yes, yes I did crash your live-stream wedding

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

@erinisconfused Camp staple

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Took 6 months of quarantine for me to watch Camp Rock. Gonna go cut my own bangs and put belts on things

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Summer during Covid is like all your friends left for camp without you and Doja Cat plays every 17 seconds

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

wearing matching briefs and a cargidan now counts as lingerie

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

I don't see the point of expensive skincare. It only lasts 30 days and it doesn't make me any thinner

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Getting really adept at tucking blouses into yoga pants

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Is there anyone that doesn't get their socks at Costco?

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Can't wait for the #Toohottohandlenetflix Halloween costumes that consist of nothing but a bikini and an awkward lav pack

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Every time Alicia Keys does a benefit concert her hoops get bigger

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

If I have learned one thing from self isolation it is that Lizzie McGuire has two different episodes in S2 where they start 8th Grade.

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

All these zoom calls are a really great way to get people to stop talking over each other.

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

Day 8: today I put on makeup to deliver sour cream to my parents

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

I ask "how are you doing?" so many times a day I'm basically Joey Tribbiani

[Alexis Bernstein @BernsteinAlexis]

I can't wait to see everyone dressed as sexy toilet paper for halloween this year