Bert Chrystler

Not Bert Kreischer or Scott Hetsko. Die hard Mommy, Cog In The Machine, Killer Termite, Bonehead, #WalshArmy, Resident of Boner City, D&O Fanimal

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@bertkreischer damn dude, you’re still 246? After last October I decided to not be like you and now I’m 170lbs , 32 inch waist and super healthy. Not that hard, Bert. No excuses.

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@ChristinaP @tomsegura I think I’ve figured out what Try It Out Man’s real message is. He means we should live in the present and be an outward expression of pure love and happiness much like Ram Dass. #TryItOut

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

Ducking autocorrect! I meant to say Nick’s cunt AUNT. Fuck that stupid old bitch

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@nickthune @brendonwalsh Let it be known, let it be known: I’m a big fan of the cum-sperm / pussy-egg subject matter, I’m not a fan of Nick’s cunt

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@jackiekashian @ChipChipperson

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@brendonwalsh dude Municipal Waste is so sick, how have you never heard them? Also listen to Iron Reagan with the same singer, you’ll dig it. Stop hanging out with lame folk nerds like @nickthune

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@Pennative @brendonwalsh @nickthune Listen to the latest episode of Do You Know Who Jason Segal Is? , now available on @Spotify @itunes and @laughable to find out why this article is relevant despite its misleading title.

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@brendonwalsh @nickthune Great timing guys... Yellowstone volcano ERUPTION warning: Hundreds of bison dead as fears of mega blast grow https://t.co/ECdWDMCmiF

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

Oklahoma mom, 45, who married daughter, 26, after two 'hit it off'. Just like the gays. But also like the lesbians. #futureisfemale https://t.co/YBpXlclryX

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@allthingscomedy @bertkreischer @AriShaffir You look like Billy Mays

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@tomsegura @ChristinaP Learning a lot about rugby. I guess this is why it’s the scrum

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@tomsegura I know how much you love sports documentaries. Scrum is about gay Australian rugby. The 6.9 rating was just a coincidence.

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@bertkreischer @tomsegura @lamarathon @IAmAthlete Bert’s fake @Nike endorsement has now turned into a real Sketchers endorsement. It must be embarrassing to be on the same athletic team as septuagenarians who walk the perimeters the indoor mall.

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@marknorm What about someone who loses weight for a competition and then immediately puts it back on because he’s a delusional alcoholic who used to be in shape but has failed to realize he has been obese for the past 20 years and can’t stand when people bring it up?

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@Change @POPSUGARMoms Headline should read “https://t.co/48DJHCwuOd denounces freedom of speech, insults societies intelligence by calling for censorship of language”

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@RandPaul There’s a lot of us out here that are “alive” and not really living. What happened to our rights?

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@PFTompkins Because it isn’t at all a case of celebrities being accused of vague things with no legal definitions and being blacklisted without a trial? Maybe you just thought touching a boob was seizing the means of production?

[Baked Amanda @theconradical]

crazy how it's spelled "Wednesday" but nobody says it like that

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@KDisFunny @tomsegura @netflix Yea, you go! Great effort! You’re a winner because you’re special! Here’s your trophy! 🏆 (that usually gets them to settle down)

[Bert Chrystler @BertChrystler]

@KDisFunny @netflix @tomsegura I bet your dad gets super offended every time comedians make fun of whiny pussies who can’t keep their shitty opinions to themselves.