Calathea Whisperer

I'm mean because I grew up in New England | aspiring pollinator | she/her |
♐♐♐♐ #ADHD

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

it only costs $1200 to build a guillotine.

[Dan Hopper @DanHopp]

The “blunt objects people grasp for while being strangled in a noir” section of Target

[IanTheWonderdog on 🟦☁️ + 🧵s @IanTheWonderdog]

@tragicbirdapp This was the poster's dogter

[bobbi loves vampires ❤️ @hiimbobbi]

Rewatching Booksmart and I was GAGGED when Molly delivered the cliche “nerd stands up to the bullies” speech about going to Yale…just for that girl to say she’s also going to Yale followed by the line, “I’m ridiculously good at handjobs but I also got a 1560 on the SATs” 😭

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@PunishedAG @CERUWOLF dragging my entire desktop setup into my bed to watch a movie, so people don't think I'm a poor 😭

[j̵͍̎i̸̗͛z̵͔̎z̴̗͌w̴̥̽i̵̛̮t̷̛̟c̶̣͝h̸͉̍ @spermatomancer]

ladies who fuck men, what do you prefer

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@HowBoutDemOsHon like, what "oh no, it's too clean"

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

being totally honest, this doesn't gross me out and I don't give a shit how it's made

[† Deron Mahoney @SwishMahoney34]

Stop putting this in your seafood salad

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@MattNowak1 now all I need is the ability to sing!

[sarah @PlSSSARAH]

i’ve literally been thinking ab this tiktok since i saw it like it makes me sick laughing when i think of literally any part of it

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

mixta liquidaphobia

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

oh no, not a big blender!! my vitamixaphobia is out of control 😭

[latke @latkedelrey]

i mean it’s imitation crab. it’s whitefish and starch. did you think it grew on trees. did you think there was a special type of crab called an imitation crab that they killed for crab sticks

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

in hindsight the plot of The Great Gatsby makes infinitely more sense when you remember that the author and all of the characters have been driven to the brink of stark-raving, shoelace-eating madness by three years of a global flu pandemic

[Heather Hogan @theheatherhogan]

A man at Walgreen’s THREW A BOTTLE OF TYLENOL at the pharmacy tech and I caught it in flight like A League of Their Own and glared at him without saying a single word. I don’t think he’ll ever have the courage to make eye contact with a lesbian again for the rest of his life.

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

be a conservationist! buy more fabric!!

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

we're about two weeks away from people flipping out about getting something hemmed

[officialhambly she/they @officialhambly]

More upcycling drama: she gets it, her grandma gets it. Her grandma gave her dresses for the purpose of upcycling. It’s not a ‘waste’ it’s what she wanted!!!!

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@LadyVoldemort09 why would anyone do this?!?! 😭 oh my god

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@katemcgowanyay when even was the last time we got a movie like this 😭

[Calathea Whisperer @BitchWithA_W]

@cinema_strikes @NewYorker also hilariously humiliating for the New Yorker that they felt the need to hide your tweet (also... making it more noticeable??)