Brittany

[Summer Heacock @Fizzygrrl]

My generation had princesses to look up to.

Our daughters have generals.

[Brittany @Bnay521]

The Twilight Series is on our "suggested for you" list on Amazon Prime and I can't help but wonder what awful sins we've committed in out past lives to deserve this

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Currently have "Hit Me (Baby One More Time)" stuck in my head and it's taking everything in me not to bust out the moves @BADBATES2 and I choreographed circa 1999

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Last night I had a dream that my Aldi total was $515.85 and my produce kept rotting before I could even bag it. It was the most adult kind of nightmare I could ever imagine.

[Patt with two T's @PatsHoppedUp]

One of the worst lessons that children are indoctrinated with is "respect your elders." Nah, respect is earned based on the quality of someone's character, and garbage people don't automatically get rewarded with it just because they've eaten more birthday cake than me.

[crohns awareness @Ostomyproblems]

Before I was diagnosed I had a coworker comment on how good I was looking because of weight loss. When I mentioned I had been feeling sick for almost a year she asked if she could “borrow it for a few weeks to lose ten pounds” #crohnieproblems #takeitandgo https://t.co/vd7toMmdlU

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Watched a couple episodes of Chopped with my 3-year-old last week and now every time I walk into the kitchen he yells "MOMMY IF THIS DISH DOESN'T CUT IT, YOU'RE GONNA BE CHOPPED!"

[Brittany @Bnay521]

@madfolsom Homegirl had twice baked potatoes, not skins. This is the only explanation.

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Just worked my first double double in probably four years and I think this may be the end of the road for me, get your goodbyes in now

[Brittany @Bnay521]

@emilykrst You can do the thing!

[Brittany @Bnay521]

@jubzies AND YA LIKED IT YA DIRTY WHORE

[jaboukie @jaboukie]

i really hope he introduces himself as musical guest and then runs to the stage https://t.co/d4OVyFnjaK

[Nate @natehoIe]

112 tomahawk missiles were launched at Syria...

- That costed $224,000,000

- 11% of Puerto Rico is w/out power

- Flint still has lead in it’s water

- There are 40,000 homeless vets

- 15% of our country is in poverty

Talk about priorities, right?

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Reminder to all of my followers that @jubzies is an O.K. person but not that great.

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

oh so u do not want me to taken your baggel and make poo on your table??? sorey you cant handle my differening opionion. go to you safe place u cornflakes

[Jeff Tiedrich [retired account — see bio] @jefftiedrich]

Hey kids. I'm in my 60s. You've never lived in an America where the rich paid their fair share. I have. Let me tell you what that was like:
* We built new schools
* We built new highways
* We cut the poverty rate
* We lead the world in technology
* WE WENT TO THE FUCKING MOON

[Brittany @Bnay521]

I've had real pants on for entirely too many hours of this day.

[Brittany @Bnay521]

@bethany_bates9 @ZacEfron Although tbh Boo that is hella late notice

[Brittany @Bnay521]

HELP BOO GO TO SEMIFORMAL WITH @ZacEfron https://t.co/TQS1iQlJ7n

[Bethany Bates @bethany_bates9]

@ZacEfron hey if u are free wanna go to my semi formal with me April 13th? Lmk

[Brittany @Bnay521]

Now Facebook is advertising maternity swimsuits to me, since I bashed their gym idea. Fuck you, Facebook.