Brandon T

Husband to @tofertilechurch

[Brandon T @Brandon4thePuns]

@ToFertileChurch

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

surround yourself. with those who would flip your ear back for you. if it ever went inside out

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Why did the bones go to the bank?

To open a joint account!

[mariana Z @mariana057]

So, it's okay for a cat to run away and hide under the bed when visitors come, but,
when I do it, it's "rude" and "antisocial."

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

Every morning I take my pet cow for a long walk in the local vineyard.
Yes, I herd it through the grapevine.

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

Michelangelo's murals in the Sistine Chapel are world-famous, but nobody knows where he painted his previous Fiftine Chapels.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Someone ripped the fifth page out of my calendar.

I’m dismayed.

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants.

Now they’re tenants

[Brandon T @Brandon4thePuns]

@ToFertileChurch

[mariana Z @mariana057]

You think swimming with dolphins is expensive?

Try swimming with sharks…
Cost me an arm and a leg!

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

I was wrong.
I thought maintaining a healthy diet would be a piece of cake.

[Brandon T @Brandon4thePuns]

@bigdoggers_rxl @AlmanME Wait, no. That's Wallace.

[Brandon T @Brandon4thePuns]

@bigdoggers_rxl @AlmanME Is that Gromet?

[mariana Z @mariana057]

I went to a job interview and was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I told them no, but I could try bohemian rhapsody...

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

It's crazy that it's July 5th and people are still setting off fireworks.

One nearly set my Christmas tree on fire.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

There is a new breakfast cereal out for mathematicians, Toasty Numerals.

It's for people who like crunching numbers.

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

Why aren't there any Independence Day knock-knock jokes?

Because freedom rings!

Happy #4thofJuly

[Posts Of Cats @PostsOfCats]

the broccoli goblin