Bree Essrig

It’s a business doing pleasure with you 💋

[Bree Essrig @BreeEssrig]

Asking the karaoke guy if I can do the “I am your mother” monologue from Hereditary

[conor shack @ConorShack]

i think about this img a lot

[Isla 🏝️🦌 @Isla_Island_]

how can doctors say shit like, "you have such nice veins," and not realise that's one of the single most erotic sentences ever spoken

[Robert Wilkinson @robertwlk]

40 years ago today, l asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend and the most gorgeous woman l know to marry me.

All three said no.

[pinkie pie @pinkiepie71]

im so hungry i could eat the gap between what i said and what i meant

[Dean Norris @deanjnorris]

clean colon, couple tv shows trending and shit, pretty sure I'm just gonna stay home and masturbate all day

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

The + in LGBTQ+ represents mathematicians

[Kayla-Marie🇵🇸 @kaylaSWAGmaria]

Cassie if she was the one to raid Alamo’s establishment

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you, [looking at myself] it's over.

[Bree Essrig @BreeEssrig]

@painqueen69 @wendellsandico Can’t wait x

[Palash Shah @palashshah]

what if the guy who invented umbrellas wanted to name them brellas but hesitated

[Bree Essrig @BreeEssrig]

@painqueen69 @wendellsandico Where can we watch it?! I’ve heard it’s a must-see

[abrish @cxrnerrstone]

in another life we were two birds killed by the same stone

[Ernest Strawfield @FKAGEORGEY]

I wear a condom at all times to protect my beautiful penis from the world

[kelsey @sexytwerp]

this looks like an unearthed ancient artifact

[dead, again @mothmortem]

sorry about the blood. the last person who came to my temple of worship was crushed tragically by a falling rock because he failed to bring me little cakes. you did… bring me .little cakes didn’t you.?

[Bree Essrig @BreeEssrig]

You absolutely can, just know that people WILL be jerking it to your meemaw’s oatmeal raisins

[fran ⚢︎ @metaIcats]

tengo entendido q el onlyfans no es una pagina sexo o si osea puedo abrirme un of para subir recetas de la abuela y tutoriales de soldadura o no

[Chris @citehchris]

can you die from a lack of being called big dawg

[່͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ @oorangeugladd]

if i had a dick id get hard from drinking like a really good cup of crisp cold water

[cory @coolmathgame_]

dentist after examining my teeth: [frowning] i don’t like this [taking his tools out of my mouth] i don’t like teeth anymore