bryan

please tell my grandma I held the door for you if you see her

[bryan @BryanTheCreated]

who do I call if I feel sexually and instrumentally violated

[Detroit Pistons @DetroitPistons]

DAWG BEHAVIOR.

[don @mitxhelI]

This is what I envision every time I see Andre Drummond make a three.

[Michael Warburton @For_Film_Fans]

Brilliant bloopers from

BETWEEN TWO FERNS

[Faye L Root @littlebayschool]

I always, always wanted a pool as a kid. It was my dream. When I was real young, my mom and dad got us one of those 3' deep, 12' across, above-ground jobs, and I played in it every day from the warmest day in May to the warmest day in September.

Then, when I was in high school, my dad put in a bigger, regular-sized pool with a deep end and everything. It was an "above-ground," but my dad made it look underground by setting it into a slope at the back of our yard and building a deck around it. He bought it as a kit and did everything himself, but we had to help.

After the major part of the hole(ish) area was dug, we had to dig more with shovels to flatten it out. I remember standing out there in the blazing sun waiting for his instructions on where to dig, him going around occasionally with a level. Later, after he laid out all the deck boards, it was my job to go around and drill all the screws in.

He created a heating system by coiling a bunch of black tubing in a rack-type thing that was meant to warm the water in the sun and then circulate it into the pool. He told me later it didn't really work. But I always thought it was a good idea.

We did not usually get all the things we asked or secretly longed for. But I think back now and realize he was obviously listening when I would occasionally wistfully say—in that little kiddish way—"Boy I wish WE had a pool." And I feel bad I didn't use the second one more. Stupid kid. You think things just happen. And then you get older and realize your parents made them happen. Just for you, because all they want is for you to be happy.

[Analytic Valley Girl Chris @ChrisExpTheNews]

The bowling alley when I pick up a spare

[bryan @BryanTheCreated]

@PFTCommenter One of the sneakiest roster-spot-fills in all of the offseason sources are saying

[bryan @BryanTheCreated]

@BarstoolBigCat Have someone explain Interstellar & Tenet to me while they’re at it - I’d like to understand bullshit that makes no sense

[Rodrick Vondick @rvdick998]

.@ChipotleTweets Not what i wanted to see. I got a burrito and didn’t expect to see a mini propane tank just wrapped in the tortilla when i unwrapped it. Mind you, this costed me 26$.

Please fix fhis Chipotle.

[Zito @_Zeets]

The texts between Conan, Will Arnett, and Jason Bateman are hilarious. Conan lost both of his parents and somehow joking about Bateman killing them is so dark and yet such a sweet way to help a friend grieve.

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Four-time Pro-Bowl center Frank Ragnow is coming out of retirement and returning to the Lions.

[Nicky @nickturani]

Breaking down sports

[bryan @BryanTheCreated]

@StevenCheah @BarstoolBigCat Please stop it’s making everything worse

[Thrasher Magazine @thrashermag]

☝🏽 NUMBER 1 FAN