The Bucklands

Plots from the hit unaired sitcom

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

VIRTUOSO
In his new job as a cruise ship vocalist, @robertbuckland takes requests but hasn’t got his patter perfect. @thebarwithmb groans when Bob says that he’s a baritone but would love to try Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy for a tenor.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

@christopherhope More concerned with a song than living in a land of hope and glory. A fitting tribute to the times we live in

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

FAIR HAVEN
Increasingly irritated by @robertbuckland's attempts to ingratiate himself with the @tiktok_uk generation, @thebarwithmb reacts with open scorn at Bob's attempt to #splittheg. Bob denies crowdpleasing - a full head and an inch or so beyond is the perfect mouthful!

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

This bellend thinks he should be Lord Chancellor.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

Had he found the courage to say this 12 months ago I would have gone and campaigned for him.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

SINGULARITY
When asked where the votes have gone, @robertbuckland is tempted to blame gravitational anomalies evidenced by @SkyNews footage. @thebarwithmb, at the end of is tether, tells Bob that any suggestion of a black hole is just wishful thinking.

[Robert Buckland @RobertBuckland]

@SamanthaJPhotos am told that the hole will be fixed in less than a week. Have asked for bus gates to be opened if this problem persists

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

FINAL MISSION
When @bbcnews describes @RobertBuckland's seat in #swindon as a bellwether, @thebarwithmb raises an eyebrow as he thinks he has misheard. Bob says that he doesn't mind an unhappy ending but would hope at least to lose his deposit.

[Swindon Borough Council @SwindonCouncil]

The turnout for Swindon South is 61.92 per cent.

#GeneralElection2024 #Swindon #UKGeneralElection

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

MAN OF THE PEOPLE
As @robertbuckland attends a group photo with everyone who has promised to vote for him in #swindonsouth, @thebarwithmb wonders if Bob is prepared for the pounding @YouGov says he’s going to get. Bob reassures Matt that if it comes he’s ready to pack it in.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

Comforting to know.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

A TASTE OF ARMAGEDDON
@thebarwithmb is concerned when @maitlis shows @RobertBuckland how she expects the voters to treat him. Bob reassures Matt he’s faced a massive swing before, managed to hold his own and keep a smile on his face.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

MOVE ALONG HOME
@thebarwithmb remarks that @RobertBuckland’s new lawn signs mention him far more prominently than the @Conservatives. Bob confesses he’s thinking of moving into estate agency if he can get an assured short hold.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

Best poster ever. He is done.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

@Defencebrief https://t.co/neGJhDzP9W

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

LIFE LINE When
@thebarwithmb asks
@robertbuckland if he's thought about defecting to
@reformparty_uk Bob notes he'd find it difficult as he had asked @nigel_farage to throw his weight behind him in 2017 but Nigel just gave him a mouthful and it's stuck in his throat ever since.

[Robert Buckland @RobertBuckland]

Was looking for a plan for life after #Brexit from Mr Farage. Heard nothing at all! #ITVEURef

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

@WeirdBristol Where the hell is Dirac?

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

FORCE OF NATURE
When @robertbuckland takes a public stance on reports of low water pressure, @thebarwithmb accuses him of headline grabbing. Bob indignantly tells Matt he’s always taken an interest in waterworks and intends to use the pump himself if necessary to get it up.

[Robert Buckland @RobertBuckland]

📌Update - Low water pressure 📌
I have been contacted by several residents in the Old Town area of #Swindon South who are experiencing low water pressure. I have raised this issue with @thameswater this evening. As soon as I receive a response, I will provide a further update.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

THE CROSSING
Just as the race for #Swindon kicks off, shock evidence emerges of @robertbuckland's attempts to curry favour with @Keir_Starmer. @thebarwithmb notes that it's not the first time that Bob has been betrayed by his helmet.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

@andreajenkyns @Keir_Starmer Which party are you standing for?

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

COURSE:OBLIVION
When @thebarwithmb wonders how @robertbuckland is able to set up his #election2024 black ops centre so quickly, Bob reminds him that it's well known around Westminster that he will hand jobs around his staff and doesn't mind splashing out on them.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

Get the violins out - they only have the mail, sun, telegraph, times, express, gbeebies, talk radio to carry their message.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

THE DEFECTOR
Sensing a pile-on from @BarristerSecret and @thebarwithmb, @RobertBuckland protests his memory of meeting @NatalieElphicke has been jogged by an old photo. But Matt says it's a @KensingtonRoyal level photoshop or Bob has been taking health advice from @lordmandelson.

[Matthew Buckland @thebarwithmb]

possibly the time to report this was when it happened. Telling tales reflects poorly on the judgment of all concerned.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

@PippaMusgrave1 @mrjamesob And Carla MP, who isn't an MP. Well done @BBCPolitics , love Matt and Sir Bob.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

TIN MAN
@RobertBuckland, aware that he didn't mention #HorizonScandal until @tobyjonesactor got involved, downloads his brain into an android body to run faster after passing bandwagons. @thebarwithmb points it's a @fujitsu_uk robot so may not function as intended and no returns

[Robert Buckland @RobertBuckland]

@BazilSolomon Thanks for tweet Bazil-I don’t agree with this decision but this has nothing to do with any “cuts”-in fact, this Govt has put over £2b into the Post Office Network since 2010, including here in #Swindon, stopping the forced closures that we saw before then.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

I, MUDD
While @robertbuckland takes to the @bbcr4today airwaves to fret about voter suppression by appalling #deepfake imagery, @thebarwithmb thinks he's found one such. Bob assures him that picture's genuine, and indeed he's proud of the time he got the Dirty Ironman licked.

[Robert Buckland @RobertBuckland]

📻 I spoke to @BBCr4today this morning about the dangers which deepfakes pose to elections.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

RIP

Joss Ackland obituary

https://t.co/eANaq3N858

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

The Producers of The Buckland Show are embarrassed and ashamed to realise that they incorrectly suggested that Joss Ackland had died. We apologise.
Mr. Ackland is still alive, and is 95, though is shamefully without a knighthood. Unlike some less deserving candidates.

[The Bucklands @Bucklandshow]

FAREWELL
Coda.
The Producers recognise that, despite all the fun we've had, @robertbuckland and @thebarwithmb are decent men who may not be natural bedfellows, but who can agree on what matters.
@PrimeVideo, @netflix, show rights now available! Episode titles © @paramountplus.