Burnt Medic

Just a few burnt out medics spewing the blunt truth from every orifice whether you like it or not. Get over it.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

@FoodInsider @jbarro You used a whole lot of words just to say "I'm lazy, don't take care of my equipment, and haven't bothered to learn proper techniques." For the love of god, stop wasting our oxygen!

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

I just saw quite the sight at the grocery store right now- 6'4", broad shoulders, with a big, curly, long, bushy, ponytail; bright-ass, rainbow striped, gay af, mask; shorts and work boots; stoned af. No, wait, that was me.

#OffDuty #OffShift #StonerMedic

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

*at vaccine clinic*
Coworker: Who keeps using shit like Hx MI, HTN, DM, AND CAD? Who hurt you?
Me: Yo
CW: Why would you learn this?
Me: My last job was EMS and my brain is hardwired this way!
CW: That explains why u asked for a CC, LOC, SAMPLE, age & sex when we had you call 911.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Hey @DEWALTtough your saws are supposed to explode like this and harm your customers. Right? Not like I unpacked this saw 4hrs ago or anything...

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Hey @SethMacFarlane I'm watching @FamilyGuyonFOX season 12 episode 7 and I was wondering if we could get a full length album of the musical stylings of Griffin and Quagmire?

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

I (BM3) am managing a #CovidVaccine Center operated by a 3rd party at my non-EMS job. This is the shit I trained for and discussed with BM1. Maybe BM2. Its unclear, honestly.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Like the Confederates, whose flags these people carry, the rioters in the #USCapitol are neither Patriots nor true Americans, in any sense of the word. This is nothing less than treason, terrorism, and an attempted coup.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

After Christmas I now have enough @DeathWishCoffee to kill an elephant or properly caffeinate my ER for 24hrs.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Guilty.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

So, uh, today is Festivus. Are we airing grievances or not?

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

An employee was just asked, in all seriousness, "have you ever seen mail" after formatting an envelope in a manner @USPS would probably not appreciate. Working teens is fucking wild.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Watching Star Wars with little man and Luke Skywalker comes on the screen. He starts yelling "Like Daddy!". Congrats @HamillHimself. You're now a 30something Paramedic/Star Wars nerd with a 2yo who loves Star Wars.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Be careful this #Halloween2020. I just discovered that someone slipped candy into my weed! What's next? Razor blades in my coke?

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Coworker: I definitely didn't close by head in a door, but can you take a quick look for a bruise or anything?

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

@MartinHouseBrew was so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

At what point does playing #babyshark become a human rights violation? 10 minutes? 5 hours? Asking for a [REDACTED].

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

@SteveMcQueen911 @CDCgov @StrykerEC Research indicates that severing the spinal cord will likely render them mostly harmless since their arms and legs are unable to move. They do pose a danger as their heads are still fully functional and can bite and transmit the virus/spores/plot device.

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

Hey @CDCgov when we inevitably end up with 'rona zombies do you have to destroy a zombies brain to kill them or can I just scramble it with defib pads and a @StrykerEC LifePak-15 cranked up to 360J?

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

I've seen some shit over the years. Dead kids. A dad OD'd under the xmas tree, kids watching. Brains on the ceiling. A midget hooker crushed by a 400lb dead guy. I could handle that. This shit is what keeps me up at night. Just because they were "old". #NeverForget #Beerpocalypse

[Burnt Medic @Burnt_Medic]

#TellMyFamilyILoveThem