Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Every Curious George book: monkey does something negligent that he has explicitly been told not to do. Damage & chaos ensue. Problems are created for strangers. At the 11th hour monkey does some minor thing to mitigate a portion of the problems he caused. Monkey is lauded as hero

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Does the expectation that you carry 💯 of the mental load of the household ever just strike you so sharply you look around like you’re expecting there to be cameras telling you that you’re being punked?

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

@bentleyliz2 Yeah my kid isn’t playing football bc I love his brain. Also this year is CHAOS for teachers and kids. Don’t put one who isn’t ready into that. Although I guess she doesn’t believe in COVID, so…

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

@bentleyliz2 the Bronx school thing is extra stupid bc this years kindergarten class is bloated with held back kids whose parents didn’t want to do remote kinder. Prob not as many on FL, but some kids will be 2 years older. Also impt for sports, esp boys, when older.

[Samuel Dunsiger @samdunsiger]

Losing an hour to Daylight Savings Time isn’t so bad when we lost an entire year and time doesn’t seem to exist anymore.

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

I think my 4 yo is smart, and then we play hide and seek.

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

My 4 yo just now: “Mommy. I need you to wipe. It’s very disgusting. Bring a shovel.”

[Dr. Jessica Ziparo @jessa_z]

Haiku

Parenting help books
Sit unread on my nightstand
Because I have kids

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Diet starts Monday!

Hahaha. There is no Monday. Time is meaningless.

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Mommas ❤️

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

My almost 4 yo w/ anxiety has panic attack whenever faced with anything he can't do perfectly & as I'm trying to keep my patience my almost 10 month old is on a baby death quest, eating electrical cord/face down in the dog's dish/chewing on the toilet brush. LOVING homeschooling

[Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar]

I’m going to give away $30,000 to 1 random person who retweets this tweet AND follows Twitter Philanthropist @Pulte and Me!! (If you don’t follow us, we can’t DM you the money) Will show proof! Much love

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

A friend texted me this and didn’t know original creator so I am sorry for no attribution but I FELT THIS IN MY SOUL

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

3yo sent to bed b/c he HID A FORK somewhere in the house & won’t tell us where. He chose to go to bed an hour early rather then give up location of fork. We’ve torn the house apart & cannot find it but rest assured the second I turn my back on 8 month old it will be in his eye

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Teething is going to turn me into an alcoholic

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

On a scale of JLo to Angie Jolie, what level of sexy is it when your MIL helps fold your laundry and informs you that you need new underwear?

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

3yo— “here mommy & daddy. Eat this. I made it for you.”

[takes pretend bite of microwaved strawberry syrup, milk, egg, frosting, salt, ETC.]

3yo [crying] “No! Not a pretend bite! A real bite!”

Us— “Why don’t you try it?”

3yo— “Oh no thank you. I don’t like it.”

[Dr. Jessica Ziparo @jessa_z]

Hey adults: if you get to an elevator around the same time as a child, give the kid a chance to push the button. Maybe even let him/her push your floor for you after youre in. You have no idea how much kids LOVE pushing elevator buttons or how hard they may melt down if thwarted

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Husband was away for biz & then took 1.5 days for vaca. Was alone w 3.5 yo, 4 mo old & HIS MOM WHO MOVED HERE THE DAY HE LEFT. While gone, Norovirus at school & baby has roseola. Today cleaned house. Finally came home & complained “too much baby stuff” in den. Can I kill him?

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

@PaperWhispers Oh we aren’t there yet with the 3 year old and have a 4 month old bringing up the rear

[Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Maaaaaaahhhhmmmm @ButMomestly]

Spent the weekend potty training and I want to everyone to hug me and simultaneously never touch me again forever.