Buzz Lightbeer

To stupidity and beyond

[Buzz Lightbeer @BuzzLightBeer01]

I decided to start repeating everything my son said just to annoy him and now he's not talking to me because 'apparently' I ruined his school play.

[RitaTheContrarion @reccastle]

I have reached that stage in life where fixing one medical problem leaves you with at least one new one to face.

[Buzz Lightbeer @BuzzLightBeer01]

I'm so poor my bank account ran off with another man.

[Lounge Fly @mrjohntofu]

We can only edit our own tweets, what good is that?

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Why has no one questioned the validity of violets being blue?

[Twin Dad @TwinSurvivalist]

The closest feeling I've found to an orgasm is getting a stubborn, sharp popcorn kernel out from between my teeth.

[Buzz Lightbeer @BuzzLightBeer01]

Being in your works WhatsApp group is 95% wishing people you barely know a Happy Birthday.

[gas station dream girl @cheygoulet]

If you’re ever hungry І can’t recommend anything more strongly than “eating food”

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

Cobwebs are just goth tinsel.

[Buzz Lightbeer @BuzzLightBeer01]

INTERVIEWER: It says here you are fluent in 5 languages but it doesn't name them?

ME: Yes, I'm fluent in English, American, Canadian, Australian and New Zealand.

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

I haven't lost it, it's in an offshore account in the Caymans.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Can you guess which one is my original chin?

~me flirting

[Emma Beasley🐝 @JustBeingEmma]

Our family crest is a cockroach.

[Buzz Lightbeer @BuzzLightBeer01]

Electric prices so high at the moment we're going to have to start referring to stupid people as 'the lights are off but someone's home'.

[Kanye’s bhole @bossy_bootz]

A happy & healthy relationship also known as getting fat together