#BreakingNewsCanada

Satirical news headlines from across Canada. Some so close to the truth you can't tell the difference.

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

Our headlines are satire & we try to link to a real news story so you can decide for yourself whether satire & reality are crossing over. If you see satirical headlines from others please @ them to us so we can retweet.
Read news critically! Don't believe everything you read.

[CUPE Alberta @CupeAB]

Here it is in black and white. The UCP were elected April 16, 2019. They promised 'jobs, economy & pipelines' and delivered none of it. The worst jobs record in Canada.

#alberta #ableg #abpoli #yyc #calgary #yeg #edmonton #yql #reddeer #canlab

[Dr. Heref Oru (#FireTheUCP) @Arfarfarf8]

So are the aforementioned irregularities.🤷‍♂️

[The Breakdown @TheBreakdownAB]

“My campaign team were told this weekend by MLA’s and organizers that thousands of memberships were bought by the Kenney camp for people”

Brian ain’t happy…

#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

@KevinCTV Did she also reveal that AHS contact tracers who had been let go are being called back. I know several who are getting calls to come back because cases are rising.

[Adriana Googles @AdrianaGoogles]

do I have to fill out all one thousand mail ballot thingies jason gave me this morning

#ableg #abpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: If the vote can't be manipulated through cash & fraud to keep the Great Leader in power, it can't be democratic says #UCP Board of Directors (who stuck their heads in the sand the last time) as they change rules mid-process.#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

Hearing some @UCalgary hourly staff didn't get paid today & now have to wait until the 10th for their pay. Is the Uni having cash problems, or do they figure everyone has stashes of cash to carry them through a month end, rent, food, etc while they get their act together #abpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

@BentallGreenOak @PaladinSecurity. If your staff at #NorthHillShoppingCentre are going to be checking vaccine passports at the food court maybe they should learn to wear their own damn mask. Hint...it is not a necklace. #YYC #abpoli

[Ⓟⓐⓜ Ⓥⓐⓝⓓⓔⓡⓛⓐⓐⓝ @PamVanderlaan]

@desneiges987

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: @jack & @Twitter take a stance in favour of #Covid & anti-vaxers, shutting down the account of an emergency room doctor most Albertans have turned to for accurate information on Covid in Alberta since the gov't refuses to.
#cdnpoli #abpoli
https://t.co/EaQZlW09jU

[Kashif Pirzada, MD @KashPrime]

Suspending @jvipondmd is an outrage. No one has done more to save lives in Alberta than him. This is coordinated activity and is a massive reason this sector needs regulation and the unmasking of anonymous troll accounts. Anyone have a connection to @TwitterSupport to fix this?

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

BREAKING: @RCMP announce they have moved more than 50 of their officers away from the danger zones of mud and water. Grateful to O&G companies for providing their officers with a safe place to work and camp.
#cdnpoli #indigenous #FirstNations #bcpoli #abpoli

[Amanda Follett Hosgood @amandafollett.bsky.social @amandajfollett]

Roughly 50 RCMP officers moved into #Wetsuweten @Gidimten Clan territory today, arresting 15 people. One person, a journalist, was released without conditions. Story to come in @TheTyee. #bcpoli #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING:Jason Kenney celebrates the benefits of climate change as Alberta moves one step closer to being a tidewater province. #abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: Jason Kenney hosts fire sale of Provinces goods and assets as the UCP burn Alberta to ground during their disastrous exit. Kenney pleased to be available to friends and relatives looking for a good price. #abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: Alberta to finance new police force as a PPP. This will ensure corporate interests are protected, & the private prison system Alberta is moving to will be kept full. It will also save taxpayers money by not having to pay Justice dept. speeding tickets. #abpoli #ableg

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: United Conservative Party prepared to spend $3.5 million to investigate the anti-Alberta Allen anti-Albertan report. They want to know exactly who spent $3.5 million targeting the War Room and the Kenney failures.
https://t.co/Wh1uDOOnRd
#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[Kathleen Ganley @KathleenGanley]

Apparently the UCP Cabinet is now considering an all party committee to “further look into” the matters the Inquiry examined?

Because this wasn’t embarrassing enough? #ableg

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: The official results are in. The results
- Most Albertans think a provincial referendum are a complete waste of time, including Elections Alberta who just couldn't be bothered.
- Even fewer Albertans think a vote for Senator is anything more than a joke.
#abpoli #ableg

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: Jason Kenney launches new plan to keep people at home and safe from #COVID. The Don't Move Or You Might Die program motivates people to stay at home and do nothing because if you have an accident an ambulance won't show up until you are dead.
#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: In an effort to eliminate confusion, focus on the important people, cut the costs of printing long names, and piss off half of Canada, @nationalpost policy is to refer to all females only as "woman." "Wife of" is also acceptable. Names are irrelevant. #cdnpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: The Alberta Navy is adding a new anchor to its fleet of ships including including its lead ship Conservatism, as well as the Economy & the Ethics. They have named the anchor the JasonKenney, because nothing drags thing down & holds them back as well as Kenney.
#abpoli

[#BreakingNewsCanada @CA_BreakingNews]

#BREAKING: The Alberta War Room tasked to take down @nytimes for telling the truth. War Room article complete with stolen graphics & spelling mistakes expected to be released any moment to disprove true facts.
#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli