Courtney Kaslow

People think I’m funny

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I’ve been watching a lot of teen jeopardy recently and one thing I’ve learned is I’m not very smart

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

Imagine life without having to think

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

My roommates cat BMO that made my life hell moved out yesterday, today I made out with a man who went by BMO. What kind of karma is this

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I kinda hate that Alec Baldwin was hot in Beetlejuice

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

@murraylikebill Everyone also guesses 26 for my age. Which like thank you look wise, but I hope it’s not because of how I act lol

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I try to be as environmentally conscious as I can, but I yearn for the deet

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

At 11:45 pm someone finally told me happy Mother’s Day for birthing Dave (my cat)

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

Every time I respond to an email I feel like a five year old who somehow learned how to type before they learned how to form normal sentences

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

You ever have one of those weeks where you’re like “my therapist is definitely going to question my life choice”?

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

The most beautiful wrong number I’ve ever had

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I used to ask my parents every night “there are no bugs, I won’t throw up, there won’t be a fire upstairs or downstairs, and my worst nightmares won’t come true” and they’re shocked l have an anxiety disorder

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I want to be mentally well enough that when I look at my plants and think “oh you need to be watered” I don’t wait another five days to do it

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I truly don’t think anyone enjoys the cold, I just think some people like to lie more than others

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I’m starting to think I go to karaoke more than the average person

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

The fact that I have this little buddy who sleeps with me every night like this is wild

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

My cat bites me for no reason sometimes and he’s still the best man I know

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

Microdosing delusion

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

Mind you my eyebrows have been dark brown this whole time

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

I stopped wearing my hat recently and it’s wild to find out how many men thought my bleach blonde hair was natural now that they can see my roots

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

Am I allowed to text my therapist for urgent dating advice?

[Courtney Kaslow @CKaslow]

If y’all wanna ever feel humbled you should have your boyfriend break up with you and then a week later get covid and sit in your apartment alone