Resting Cake Face

plate half empty

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

@IMcMillan Sometimes, being at work this early has its perks.

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

5 days later and finally giving in to the fact that the hairdresser didn't listen to a single thing you said and you will be wearing a hat until fucking April

[Rebecca Humphries @Beckshumps]

It’s such a shame women aren’t funny

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

Erm....new theme music on @ITVChase or a glich in the Matrix?

[@[email protected] @mrchrisaddison]

There were rumours this afternoon that Esther McVey would resign. Hasn’t happened yet. Maybe someone explained to her how Universal Credit works and she thought better of it.

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

Tikkaboo Mother Nature #sunset

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

When I grow up I want to be Oti Mabuse's shorts. #SCD

[Nick Pettigrew @Nick_Pettigrew]

A couple of years ago the Arts Council organised an event called We Are Here. Actors played WWI soldiers who moved silently through train stations. 1/

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

@JemButters Mum says "I've gone all goosey" never adds the flesh, bumps or pimples. She's nearly 70.

[MuggleNet @MuggleNet]

For real, though. Myrtle went to the bathroom alone and was killed by the Basilisk, Katie Bell went to the bathroom alone and was put under the Imperius Curse, Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets...

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

"If you haven't got an appropriate quote, make one up and attribute it to an obscure philosopher"

Dave Bartram, Showaddywaddy.

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

Are you depressed? Ask yourself these questions:

* Is this kind of tweet a heap of nonsense?
* Depression doesn't work like this you helmet
* You can be healthy and depressed
* You can be loved and be depressed

Launch yourself up your own arse

[Olaf Falafel @OFalafel]

My daughter is called 7329. So I won't forget my PIN number... Will you?

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

Who would have thought that complete fucking shitflute Phillip Green would turn out to be a complete fucking shitflute

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

I mean, LOOK.

[Resting Cake Face @CakeResting]

It's not Dumbledore I'm finding horny. It's just beacuse it's Jude Law in a waistcoat. Isn't it? ISN'T IT? #FantasticBeasts

[Phlegm Clandango @Cain_Unable]

*BEEP!* "Why don't you get married like your sister?" *BEEP!* "You're too picky that's your problem!" *BEEP!* "I expect you're too busy to call me, Becky calls me." *BEEEEEEP!*

You would be out of that house in seconds.

[Phlegm Clandango @Cain_Unable]

*BEEP!* "You're wearing that to evacuate? You know blue makes you look washed out" *BEEP!* "You might meet a nice fireman! At least brush your hair." *BEEP!*
"You can be so pretty when you try." *BEEP!*