Single Meat Burrito

A foxhole guy

[Penguin @BowTiedWaddle]

This weekend I was at a bachelor party for a friend in Nashville.

I drank too much, stayed up too late, and ate like garbage. By just about every metric of health optimization I should feel horrible.

But I also had a great time with great friends, and I feel amazing. Sure not amazing physically, but being able to celebrate my friends is more fulfilling than any protocol I could possibly string together.

I’m aware of the dangers of alcohol and the damage it can cause. But the dangers of not having a good time with good people are not spoken of enough.

Plus I didn’t hear the letters “AI” all weekend, and that alone made the trip worth it

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

@MrPitbull07 I can’t even get a text back

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

35 year old checking in here 👀

[New York Post @nypost]

‘American Pie’ star Shannon Elizabeth joining OnlyFans after quietly splitting from husband Simon Borchert https://t.co/zeXs2pHxM4

[Nick Sortor @nicksortor]

🔥 HELL YEAH! The based @JimmysSeafood just got a SHOUTOUT during the White House briefing

Yeah — the same Jimmy's who went viral for telling HuffPost to "go f*ck yourself" 🤣

"In Baltimore, John and Tony are proud second generation owners of Jimmy's Seafood. Now, with no tax on tips and overtime their 200 employees know that coming into work means going home with more pay."

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Ball don’t lie ! #orioles

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Had a pretty 22 year old tell me I was handsome and thought I was 30. We are so back

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

@MikeTheOsFan @tylerbarberis_ I’m riding this season out with you Mikey O

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

@Oriolesareawful @tylerbarberis_ I stand with Mikey O

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Hate to be that guy but these early games are important when you look at this gauntlet in June.

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

I have to admit I love the ball and strike challenges in baseball. Very quick, never wrong and adds excitement for the crowd. Big Fan

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

10 lob through 6. Yuck

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

“Going to have to call espn and find out what the fuck is going on” -my dad

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

My dad can’t figure out how to get espn on his other tv and is furious. Won’t come in to watch on the other tv until this is fixed. We’re in mid season form. #orioles

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

In my years I’ve had girls make all the excuses not to talk to me (I don’t blame them) but my own mother told me 3 minutes ago she had to get off the phone because her gummy kicked in. she’s 68 and retired. There is no hope for me

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Just seeing this. Is Gunnar that underrated or am I crazy for thinking he’s going to be the captain at some point ?

[Tyler Milliken @tylermilliken_]

Aaron Judge showed some serious love to Roman Anthony when talking about the future of Team USA:

“Me and Harper have been kind of joking around that Bobby [Witt Jr. of the Royals] and Roman are going to be in this, representing the USA for the next 10, 15 years… Hopefully when we’re the old guys in here in a couple years, they still want us on the team.”

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

After that swing I now know why Roman Anthony can’t run 1st to home without looking like a baby giraffe.

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Britton in his prime reminds me of skenes in that inning. Has no clue where the fb is going but moving in and out. Quit the off speed and just rip the fb down middle and see where it ends up. No one can hit it.

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

I’m glad the world got to witness the Gunnar dive.

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

Im sure a ton of people are putting this in their group chats 🤣

[Murray Hill Guy @MurrayHillGuy1]

My best friend group from college is in wildly different stages of life right now:

Friend 1 — married, 3 kids. Never hear from him but twice a year he pops out and blacks out like he did in college. Great father I’m sure. Lives in suburbs.

Friend 2 — most single person alive. 30 years old, slept with a 21 year old last weekend. Low key depressed. He still lives in nyc in a shoebox studio.

Friend 3 — he’s in long term relationship. You can tell marriage is coming… you can also tell they hate each other.

Friend 4 — moved to California, does mushrooms daily and drops into the group chat once a week to say the most unhinged philosophical take imaginable.

Friend 5 — full passport bro. With a girl who barely speaks English every night somewhere in Southeast Asia.

Friend 6 — might literally be in jail. Haven’t heard from him in 5 years. No social media. Honestly… might text him tonight.

[Single Meat Burrito @Callme_SER]

At 35 years old I had to use a plastic spork today.
I forgot how to use a plastic spork. I feel like Peter in hooked when he forgot how to fly.