🌴

"bang bang bang" - gun noises

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

-You want sugar on your burger?
-Ew, no.
-What if I mix it with thick red goop?
-Sign me up!

- The Story of Ketchup

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

@drmarkhyman @grok what’s going on here

[Newsweek @Newsweek]

Hillary Clinton defends Harvey Weinstein association: "How could we have known?" https://t.co/VoN6xqhEFl

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

🐍 🐍 🐍

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

Thank you, @BernieSanders, not just for your endorsement, but for a lifetime of fighting injustice.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Leonardo is just fancy Leonard.

[ウォーターチャレンジ @yuguro1]

【速報】巨大風車を搭載した車が街を大暴れしたら、地球がなくなったwwwwww

[Gucci Mane @gucci1017]

He that is not with me is against me.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Things we're thing'ing in 2020:
- normal thing
- normal thing
- wEiRd tHiNg
- normal thing

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Jeff Garlin is Seth Rogan's dad and Kurt Cobain and Kenneth Branagh are brothers.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Tough call in nyc today: should I protest the Eric Gardner grand jury ruling, or be in Santa Con. #conflicted

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THAT THING IN THE NEWS?!?!?!

Yeah me neither.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

I wish residual anger actually paid residuals.
(thunderous applause)
THANK YOU GOOD NIGHT

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

By the time you finish reading this, it* will all be over.

* it = this tweet.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Ever noticed how this is the end of this tweet?

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

If you have a cold and you say "cold" it sounds like you're saying "colbdb"

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Just found out Jack Kerouac played the bongos. That kills like 90% of his aura of mystery.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

SITCOM:
"Things Are Getting Wacky!"
About a Mafia hitman who kills people for a living...and owns a bunch of puppies! Who also kill people.

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

JOKE FOR SALE, ONLY $60:

Elevator bank?? What is that a bank for elevators?!
"Hi I'd like a loan--"
"But sir YOU'RE AN ELEVATOR"

(NO AMEX)

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

I only watch movies where a grizzled cop says about the criminal he's chasing: "...I'm startin' to like this guy..."

[🌴 @CalmDownItsRob]

Are you making fun of me for misusing punctuation? Because that is not period cool comma.