Cameron Isherwood

[Cameron Isherwood @CameronSpoons]

When you get pulled over playing angry birds, the right answer to why you were swerving is not "because I was fucking up some pigs."

[Knipples @StevieKnip]

Girl, this relationship is like the time space continuum.

You need time.
I want space.

But the nudes? You can continuum.

[Cameron Isherwood @CameronSpoons]

@davisIsherwood asked me what the book Animal Farm was about, had to explain its about some animals on a fucking farm

[Good Kyle @KyleMcDowell86]

*slaps carrot out of your hand*

"How the heck we ever going to get adult carrots if jerks like you keep eating the baby ones"

*storms off*

[rob fee @robfee]

*Bryan Cranston pulls into AutoZone*

Can you check my car?It just keeps *lowers shades* braking bad.

*He winks then leaves without paying*

[Good Kyle @KyleMcDowell86]

[Commercial for sprinklers]

*scene of a man filling his mouth with water and spitting it out over his lawn*

"There has to be a better way"

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

"The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-"
[Bowser spits coffee]
"Which plumber?"

[ClickHole @ClickHole]

Which Muppet Baby Are You, Under Penalty Of Perjury? http://t.co/vWlcMvuqom

[eEric @ericsshadow]

It's weird how secretive aliens are and yet they're still too lazy to shut off the blinking lights on their UFO.

[Cameron Isherwood @CameronSpoons]

@Dean_Murdoch @BizNasty2point0 @Terry_Cahill
*Deaner throws in a dip and tips back in chair, cracks an icy Pilsner, spits on floor*

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

°Morgan Freeman voice°
imagine if we could access 100 percent of our brains
[cuts to me blowing my nose into my hand in the shower]

[Dwayne Johnson @TheRock]

"Am I beautiful?"... "How do my balls look?" Asking my ace stylist @rmatadesign two very important… http://t.co/zZsRnfx2GI

[pat tobin @tastefactory]

WILE E. COYOTE: I'll now answer a few questions
REPORTER:Did the anvil intended for Roadrunner land on u?
WILE:This press conference is over

[rob fee @robfee]

“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”

[Best Videos @BestVlNES]

They've been waiting their whole life for this moment https://t.co/Vjm0nmgLFg

[Kevin Seccia @kevinseccia]

Imagine the strength of character of the person who starts a dog walking business and resists naming it with a pun.

[Rock @TheMichaelRock]

Don't let other people tell you how to live your life.

Anyways, RT if you're drinking.

[Dwayne Johnson @TheRock]

When my bud @dickfundy gets punched in his 8th grade balls, I come to the rescue. Hilarious. @screenjunkies https://t.co/E7vvIBmRAI

[Dwayne Johnson @TheRock]

What happens when I drink my milk... #CurlGameOnLock #FACUUUUNDO @MilkLife http://t.co/F5C6ErqkPn

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

Build me an ark. http://t.co/mLYV1wCp9x