eEric

I do the best tweets

[eEric @ericsshadow]

[burglar gently waking me] you live like this?

[eEric @ericsshadow]

WOMAN: some people shouldn't have children

ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@smerconish I liked the caddyshack reference 😂

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@GovernorShapiro the entire Philadelphia transit system will be on strike on Election Day unless you help. This could swing the entire election.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@theshamingofjay I am NOT happy about this decision, but you’re playing well.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@theshamingofjay I always root for the team that beat me so …. go Mets 😔

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@GovernorShapiro What’s up with Pa state minimum wage? It’s embarrassing.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

I don't think Alexander Graham Bell intended for us to watch porn over the telephone.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@beardimusprime Thank you

[eEric @ericsshadow]

My wife wants to join a cross training gym but she’s not sure if it’ll be too much for her so I suggested she start off slowly by turning off all the lights before she goes to bed.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

Seems like just yesterday I was reading instructions on how to open a box of wine and now I can open it with one hand in the car.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

NASA: you've been selected to spend a year on the space station
ME: wow that's awesome
NASA: you and your entire family!
ME: oh ok no thanks

[eEric @ericsshadow]

30 days has September
April June and November
All the rest have 31
Except January which has 4,000

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@GovernorShapiro How’s the minimum wage increase going

[eEric @ericsshadow]

People say I'm a terrible father, but when my four year old broke his collar bone, who's the guy that dropped him off at the emergency room?

[eEric @ericsshadow]

Parenthood: When you make enough money to live an exciting, comfortable, stress free life, but decide to have kids instead.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

Wouldn’t it make more sense to watch what you want on Netflix then cancel and get Max then cancel and get Disney and so on… instead of paying for 7,000,000 shows at the same time.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

tv apps cost 15.99 per month then want to charge you 4.99 to watch home alone

[uncle mom @mayamanion]

They say motherhood is the hardest job on earth. Not the way I do it.

[eEric @ericsshadow]

@E_Ville13 We’ll see you in November