DaddyJew

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

snapped peas are just regular peas that have finally had enough of everyone’s bullshit

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Doctor: are you an active marijuana user?

Me: nah, im pretty chill

[Fuck it all, Love Molly 💋 @mistrustme1]

You can keep your half ass bullshit

[(A)$ke₩ @Askew_74]

Better ourselves or die trying.

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

sounds like this owl outside my window has quite the mystery on his hands

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Me: goodnight moon

Moon: bing bong

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Me: goodnight moon

Moon: goodnight buffoon

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Maybe your baby is crying because you don't know when to use "affect" versus "effect."

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

there’s no telling how many times you may have forfeited your soul in the terms and conditions

[🅿️ending Ⓜ️illionaire💰 @ManishLife_Ty]

People be in the gym doing entirely too much nowadays🤦🏽‍♂️

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

the gentle breeze through one’s armpit hair on a windy day is one of life’s less talked about joys

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

cloudy with a chance of Neanderthals

[Stu, For Real @StuForReal]

Yes, that is a banana in my pocket and no, not at all

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

Ham and cheese, the gentleman's omelet.

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

First date idea: we need to talk

[meghan @deloisivete]

me: you thought you could run from me, but you couldn't hide forever

every cancel subscription button:

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

the snapping turtle is by far the sassiest of all the turtles

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

I hope I get eaten in the woods today.

[Tater 🍁🐾 @TrueTorontoGirl]

Some criminals are so helpful by being stupid.

[Manders 🌻 @SunflowerGpsy]

I miss OG twitter

Like this tweet if you're one of the originals on here

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

you strike me as someone who likes striking people