CaptainOhblivious

I don't need to tell you nothin'. Check it out on my team's website. They write books about us. Yeah! I'm fancy like that. Do you write books about you? I didn

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

🧠Thoughts I Thunk - For you to think too!🧠
Tell me what you think about the thoughts I thunk.
#TheOhForce #wordsofwisdom #whenyouknowyounose #firstworldproblems #thoughtsithunk

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Here's ten things I hate. Dead grapes, peas without their house, being complained at, being complained about, being told what to do, forgetting what I needed to do and then I’m left standing there wondering what I was doing. Wait, what was I doing again?

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

There's a lot of things you think are facts but aren't. Like how we eat spiders in our sleep. But spiders are afraid of sleeping peeps. The only way it happens is if you're picking em up and chowing down. But hey, you do you, boo. Remember, it's a choice not an accidentablity.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

You might make more cents when you start making more sense. Or is it the other way around? No, that’s right. Although some people seem to think that those who make more cents make more sense, that’s just nonsense. So, make sense to make cents. That's just my 2 cents.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Someone asked me the other day if I knew something and I said I don’t know. They they told me what they knew, and I knew I know what they knew. I just didn’t know I knew.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Normal is normal, but it’s normal to not be normal. Because you think your normal is normal because it’s normal to you. But I think you’re weird and that is perfectly normal.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Cheeseballs sounds like a swear word, but I swear it’s not. Unless it’s used like one. But you can say that about most words with Cheese. Cheese stick, Cheese head, Cheese cloth, Imitation Cheese product... So don't be a cheese doodle. Be the big cheese instead!

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

There was this one time when I had to learn something the hard way. It wasn’t very fun. It’s much easier to learn things the easy way like things are meant to be learnt. Moral of the Story? YouTube doesn’t know everything, hire a professional.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Everyone wants to be somebody. Until they are somebody and they realize that being somebody wasn’t something that they wanted to be. So, stop trying to be somebody and just be someone that you can live with.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Why do we say monkeys have tails? Tails are kinda useless, but a monkey’s tail is more like a fifth hand. We just need to call it what it is. It’s a butt hand. Monkeys have hand hands, feet hands, and a butt hand. I wish I had a butt hand. It would be a lot easier to wipe.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Some super awesome things have come from Canada. Poutine, maple syrup, Keanu Reeves, chewing gum, and peanut butter. Now, since cannibalism seems to be frowned upon, if we mixed everything else together that'd be some interesting flavored gum.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

I hate those live, laugh, love sentiments. The order is all wrong! Staying alive is important, but it doesn’t matter without the other two. That’s why it should be “Love, Laugh, Live!” Not saying that would get me to buy one of those drift wood signs or anything, but just saying.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Peas suck. Yeah, I said it! You can’t tell me to eat ‘em, you’re not my mom! And whoever thought it was a good idea to put peas in cans should be canned. Taking something terrible and making it more terrible is just terrible.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Multi-tasking is silly. Why would I want to do two things half as good as I can do one thing in just under twice the time? Just do what I do, do it the way you should do it. One leg at a time. You ever try to put on both socks at the same time? Try it! I Dare you!

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Just remember kids, time is never wasted if you love what you are doing. I may not understand it, but as the saying goes, whatever floats your goat and doesn't sink mine. Yeah you heard me right! Whatever keeps you riding high, living your G.O.A.T. life.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Remember, you don’t need two no how too spell when you have spell check. It’s the best thin since me. Even when you spell something write, it tells you what to due, because it nose it nose better.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Did you know that some countries call cookies biscuits? Why?! Biscuits are a completely different food group than cookies. Wait! Why are they called cookies when you bake 'em. Shouldn’t they be bakeys? So, we're both wrong!

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

My memory is excellent! I always remember to forget things I need to forget so that I don’t forget to remember things I need to remember! Like my birthday! I always remember not to forget to remember my birthday.

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Rhymes are hard! I have to try hard not to rhyme everything with hard. Damn, this is hard!

[CaptainOhblivious @CaptOhblivious]

Patience is important and toasters teach us a lot about patience! Because if you don’t have patience you just have warm bread. So, wait. It’ll pop when it pops just like water will boil when it boils. But don’t do those both at the same time because it’s very dangerous.