Paul Lautman

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@NadineDorries Radio Caroline is still on the air.

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

Always wondered about VPNs, but I've been using Windscribe to keep up with GBBO. Guess I'm now a convert.

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@AngelaBarnes Watch out Angela, Michael is a great support act. You were bloody good too!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

If anyone had any doubts as to just how ridiculous the Daily Express is, check out one of today's headlines: "Drivers warned of massive £5,000 fines for not using air con during heatwave"

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@geraldvjuk Thanks for popping into St James this afternoon. Just to let you know, we managed to feed everyone with full plates. About 110 people in all.

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@StephenMorganMP Thank you for taking the time to meet with us constituents today. It was really helpful that you brought some local council folks along too. All much appreciated.

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

Thank you SO much @sainsburys, I really must ensure that I spend over £30 to get my WHOLE 6p off!!!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@JeremyClarkson Really enjoyed the farm show. Two questions. 1) What happened to all the equipment that the previous farmer used on your land, causing you to have to buy new stuff? 2) What happened about the shop roof?

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@keridavies I thought Hazel Woolley was played by Annette Badland?

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

I earned 922 stars and played 13542 successful notes last week on @Yousician!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

Always wondered about pancake mix.
Pancake ingredients:
Flour
Milk
Egg

OR

Packet of pancake mix
Milk
Egg

Contents of pancake mix? Basically VERY expensive flour.

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

Just so we are totally clear.

There will be 5 weeks between each of the lockdown relief changes. The first change on 8th March and the next change 3 weeks later.

Everyone got that?

[Dom Hodgson @TheHodge]

We’ve all been feeling a bit down recently and so my wife decided we were going on holiday. I was told that I was taking Tuesday and Wednesday off and she’s been working on a secret plan 🧵

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@AngelaBarnes I'm doing some self striping socks at the moment using some yarn I bought from the sadly now passed away SparkleDuck. Are you doing toe-up or too-down?

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@AngelaBarnes I never even had my first go!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

BBC News announce a new country "Engand"!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@keridavies, didn't Kirsty change her name when she married, or am I miss-remembering? And also, although I understand why, HOW COULD YOU!

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

@allthisandless If they've not shagged since the wedding then it's in the bag (in both senses of the word).

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

I know that you can get the Internet on a Kindle by using the Experimental Browser, but does anyone know when it's coming out in paperback?

[Paul Lautman @CaptainParalyti]

Watching YouTube we keep getting adverts for bottles of wine. Guess Google knows that we're about to go into Tier 3.

Next I expect to get an email from Amazon saying "Others who went into Tier 3 also bought...", followed by links to lots of different Gins!