Best Effing Mom

When everyone’s allowed to stop being quarantined, I want to not leave the house for several days. She/her. 🏳️‍🌈BLM. Nurse, wife, mom.

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

5yo: “🎶Fuck you, and you, and you and you and you, I hate your friends and they hate me too🎶”

Me: Please don’t sing that

5: But it’s my favorite song

Me: Please substitute another word besides “fuck” because that song is inappropriate

5: How about “shit”?

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

Not buying anything else from @Macys @Macyservice
My lotion pump arrived broken, with lotion spilling everywhere, and I can’t figure out how to fix it. Neither can the chat bot or the “live chat” customer service person who only accepts certain answers. So done.

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

someone just put "teamwork makes the dream work" in an email at work and i've been throwing up for 26 minutes.

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@DulaneyHigh @BaltCoPS please figure out this transportation issue. Today is at least the 10th time since January that my child’s bus never arrived, and the website is unreliable, showing no delay. Yet another chaotic, late start to my workday, thanks BCPS ☹️

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

Some moms want to be wined and dined. I want to be napped and hoteled.

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

my parents at 30: whew, we weren't expecting to have a third kid and a new car this year, but I think we can swing it

me at 30: I was not expecting to have to replace an extra lightbulb in my home this year and now financial ruin is upon me

[Amanda @Pandamoanimum]

The final dance in Dirty Dancing, but they’re dancing to The Muppet Show theme tune.

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@mom_tho But you’re like, fucking amazing

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@FrasierSein I mean, I was thisclose to moving somewhere I loved for someone I hated, is that the same?

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@bbroom1972

[My Life As Dad @milifeasdad]

My wife inexplicably waited to the last minute to tell me that my kids have dance class today.

So annoying when she does this every week.

[emily may @emilykmay]

I need to run into Trader Joe’s and get two items and it will take me 3 minutes. It’s pouring rain and freezing and I have both kids with me.

I’m just gonna say that in 1994, my mama would have left us in the car.

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@ADHDeanASL @mrrickchard Congratufuckinglations

[Am I the Asshole? @AITA_online]

In case this website implodes I just want all of you to know that you are NTA

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@mplevz @Ticketmaster it’s 1:49 PM ET and I’ve been logged in since before 9AM, in a queue since 10:00 AM. This is disgusting.

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@mplevz I was almost there after HOURS of waiting… and then now I’m back to the beginning #Ticketmaster #unacceptable

[bug girl @buggirl]

i am once again asking why the fuck we take taxes from 15-17 year olds paychecks when they aren’t allowed to vote bc to me that sounds a little bit like taxation without representation

[Best Effing Mom @Caroline_315]

@McDonalds do better… no soap in the bathroom, slippery wet floors with no signs, empty hand sanitizer dispensers throughout the restaurant. Not coming back here for sure 🤢🤢

[That Mom Tho @mom_tho]

parenting might be for you if you love random socks strewn about, washing ten thousand cups a day, repeating yourself constantly and still not being heard

…and scrolling your phone at night looking at baby pictures crying over how fast time is going

[MumInBits @MumInBits]

5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”

[Laesa Faith Kim @laesafaith]

I went to a pharmacy today where they still have a sign on the door saying “please wear masks inside.” It’s no problem for me, I had mine on before I even reached the door. When I went to pull it open, there’s another sign near the handle “ring the bell for entry.” 1/5