Courtney Johnson

💁🏼🍷😻💃🏼

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Human:"You are a piece of work." Me:"Ya, a masterpiece of art work." 😂💁🏼 #imhilarious #icrackmyselfup this is probs why I'm single #noshame

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Me:”Alexa clean my apartment.”

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

@vitamay__ 😂💀

[Texts From Last Night @TFLN]

(248): Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Drinking wine when sick is good strategy right? Cuz Alcohol kills germs... 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

iPhone should have FaceTime voicemail. The amount of people that would have pure entertainment the next morning from intoxicated FaceTime messages would be hilarious....including my friends

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

@flowerchildlizz Same 😂💀

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Does anyone else play the game where you try to beat the microwave? You try to open the microwave door right before it beeps but right after the 1 second disappears...or is that just me ?...

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

WHY DOES THE FOOD HAVE TO GO AWAY!!!! It makes me so sad when I finish my food and now I have to wait until dinner time/I’m home

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Me- lactose intolerant. Also me- orders cheese fries and a milkshake

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Now that I’m an adult, I understand Ross’s mental breakdown about his sandwich getting eaten by a coworker

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

I really enjoy telling people why I named one of my cats Charlie 😂💀 I entertain myself

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Y’all know the episode of friends where Phoebe’s bank accidentally gives her $500 and the when she tells them it’s not hers they apologize and give her more?! ...that’s the kind of miracle day I’m in need of RN.

[Lauren Husson @Laur_Huss]

I just need a 4 day nap

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

I told myself after my Halloween candy was out of my apartment I would eat healthier, so to help myself get to being healthy quicker I’m eating all my candy 😂🤷🏼‍♀️🙃 #adulting #eatingmyfeelings

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

I wish it was just as easy to delete people from face to face life as it is to do in social media life

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Anyone else lay on the ground to lay with their animals or is that just me

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Thursday night now looks like me unknowingly eating a whole bag of chips while watching Netflix before bed 😂🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

[HAIM @HAIMtheband]

did we succeed

[Courtney Johnson @CeeJayy1115]

Me:” Why is my phone so dry?” Also me*doesn’t to most humans and if I do respond it’s about 2 days later 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️