Fairly Tubular

I'm not allowed to eat hotdogs at the mall if my wife isn't there to supervise me.

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

[on my way out of the barber shop]
Me: "Alright man, thanks for the impeccable head!"
Barber: "Stop saying that!"

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

Referring to my 9-months-pregnant wife's belly as the "circle of life."

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@jimjamjuggles baffled by how many people seem to believe they can influence how much they spend on a globally-traded commodity without, at any point, changing how much of it they consume.

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@patridesabike Pat, I apologize if my tone was unclear; I completely agree with you that whoever put that truck there is a gargantuan ass.

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@patridesabike not if your truck is large or you're in a rush, or some other unavoidable situation which clearly excuses such behaviour from The Protagonist of Reality

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

imo there are two good places to get sunglasses, and these are, in descending order:
-found on the ground
-job fair, or other such swag booths

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@DanielSmith709 @KillerMike @ACCStJohns We can only hope.

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@deffjonaldson @blairegolledge uhhh The Name of the Wind, or Predictably Irrational

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@michyboyhart that video whips ass, and also a lot of his other stuff is pretty funny too.

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

@HopeJ709 word

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What on earth do they do to make the noodles so hot at Wok Box, Thai Express, etc. Never in my life have I prepared food that was still so scalding 18 minutes later.

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@Kaffe_Takk @ClaraJeffery Wow yeah you're so right. Hello Fresh isn't even a sensible conjunction of those two words; it sounds like something that's been through google translate like 5 times.

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

What fool named it a 'double IPA' instead of a Dualipa

[Fairly Tubular @Cheesefurter]

"Wearing sunscreen is the worst way for your skin to feel - except for not wearing suncreen."
-Winston Churchill

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@kevinmarks @ClaraJeffery thank you for your service

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very normal world where Las Vegas means 'The Meadows' and Nevada means 'Snow-Covered.'

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@FreckleEars Bro call 311 next time. Pretty quick & simple.

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@kirstenmorry @chipspopandabar ok, sorry.