Chris Tabish

Management Consultant, Author, Speaker, Stand Up Comedian

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

@brianglenntv @RealAmVoice Did you like the pile-on in the 8th grade? No one likes or respects it. All the world is watching & you can inspire peace & hope and this is your move? I have faith in you. I believe you’re a good person & are capable of more. Please do better. We need you lifting not pushing. 🙏

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

@Shirleysand22 I’m so sorry, Shirley.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

@Serranosisters You were the bloody terminator in that fight. Holy crap! And yes, everyone watching here thought you won.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

@DavidSpade The most exciting hit was the weigh-in slap

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

You walked into the meeting like you were walking onto a yacht.
Your stats strategically displayed in one large pie.
Your status was apricot.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Robots are the future!
Well, as soon as they learn the difference between a picture of a bridge and a fire hydrant.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Great that everyone is getting vaccinated but please remember to wear a mask and stay 6 feet apart while on this last leg.

The only exceptions to this are:
1) when you’re alone or
2) with your immediate family or
3) at a crowded restaurant surrounded by people you don’t know.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

I just got out of a meeting. The meeting topic was "we need less meetings.” The meeting was mandatory. We didn't finish, so we scheduled another meeting.

You can't make this stuff up.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

https://t.co/cXu3JZGtOq

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Looking down at my business attire during this meeting and realizing I seriously need some new pajamas

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

The difference now is that, unless I’ve got a can of Lysol, I’m going to think twice about picking up that random wallet.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Home Depot: What are the dimensions?
Me: 29” by 39”
Home Depot: What is that some kinda square?

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

No sugar at the grocery store?! This is not the pandemic I'd been fantasizing about.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

"Eat this so I don't get fat" is now a new chore around our house.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

It's a really good thing they're still giving traffic reports, otherwise, I would have never known there was a Chevy Nova that crossed the Bay Bridge at 8:57.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Alas! I now know why I’ve been commuting such a long distance to work...to get away from the refrigerator.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

If they need a cup of coffee before hunting for Easter eggs then they're probably too old to be hunting for Easter eggs.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

@MelanieSwenso13 Thanks Melanie, so great to hear from you, what a blast from the past!

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Covid-19: my face has never itched this much in public.

[Chris Tabish @ChrisTabish]

Bring The Joy! https://t.co/EOfDEHGTw5 via @christabish