Christa

Dear alcohol, I love you...

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[2050]

Grandchild: Why aren't there Pokemon anymore?

Elderly me: We caught them. *single tear rolls down my cheek* We caught them all.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

She said she was turned on by dangerous men . . .
so he started running with scissors.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

Bondage is so much easier with a nerd . . .
You don't need to blindfold him, just hide his glasses.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Would you like a happy ending?' she asked, rubbing the hot oil deep into his skin.
'Oh yes!' he replied.
'OK,' she said. 'Han Solo lives.'

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Say bad things to me,' she begged, 'Terrible, unforgivable things!'
'OK,' he said, 'The Force Awakens isn't as good as The Phantom Menace.'

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

She said she was turned on by men with money but turned off by men with high IQs. So he dressed up as Donald Trump.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

I gently caress the leather, then my fingers feel inside and flick over and over again . .
I like big books and I cannot lie.
#WorldBookDay

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

He really enjoyed 3.14159265 in a bed . . . he was Pi-sexual.
#PiDay

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

The latest research indicates that people who retweet more tend to have higher IQs and be better lovers . . .
#WednesdayWisdom

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Smack that bottom!' she cried, bending over the table. 'Smack it hard!'
'I am' he said 'But the ketchup just won't come out'
#FridayFeeling

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Punish me!' she cried desperately, 'Make me suffer like only a real man can!'
'Very well,' he replied, and left the toilet seat up . . .

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'It's so long!' she squealed 'I don't think it'll fit!'
'Sorry' he said 'It isn't easy saying what you want in 140 characters'
#LoveTwittter

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

Happy #WorldPoetryDay!

Robots are red,
Mutants are blue,
Tribbles are sweet,
So is R2-D2.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

My 50 Nerds of Grey book's going well but the Twitter orgy scene needs editing. There are 140 characters and it lasts 10 years.
#LoveTwitter

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

I may not know how to get a girlfriend but I know how to write bug-free software . . .
I got 99 problems but a glitch ain't one.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Harder!' she screamed, 'Harder!'
'All right,' he said. 'What's the square root of nine times twelve divided by six point three recurring?'

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

'Hey' she said 'When you suggested kinky superhero night you said nothing about an old man!'
'Sorry' he said 'Stan Lee insisted on a cameo.'

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

No one puts BB-8 in the corner.
#NerdyMovieLines

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

Making her solve difficult equations really turned him on . . .
He was a sadomathochist.

[50 Nerds of Grey @50NerdsofGrey]

He was very careful during bondage sessions.
He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.